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10,000 B.C.

March 6, 2008

Rated: PG-13 Runtime: 109 min Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Caveboy meets cavegirl. Caveboy loses cavegirl. Caveboy journeys across prehistoric landscape filled with hungry monsters to get cavegirl back.

They don’t live in caves, but you get the idea.

Roland Emmerich (INDEPENDENCE DAY) directed this epic. If you’ve seen THE DAY AFTER TOMORROW, you know scientific accuracy isn’t his strong point. The depiction of prehistory is pretty fanciful, and yes, those are the Egyptian pyramids you see in the trailer. Some people believe that the pyramids are far older….about 7500 years older, in this case… than they really are. Roland Emmerich must be fascinated with the pyramids, with this and STARGATE. Well, why not. In effect, this movie is a mashup of real Stone Age history crossed with civilizations out of CONAN THE BARBARIAN.

10000bc.jpgThis feels a bit like APOCALYPTO. Primitive guy has to journey across lands unfamiliar to him filled with dangers.

The special effects are pretty spectacular. Mammoths, saber-tooth tigers, and several other prehistoric monsters I won’t mention by name so as not to ruin the surprise. As far as a travelogue for what it might have been like to encounter these creatures, this is fun stuff. The mammoth hunt is like the buffalo hunt in DANCES WITH WOLVES gone wild.

The actors are largely hidden behind grime, although Camilla Belle still manages to look pretty. She’s wrapped up in skins though; there are no fur bikinis like Raquel Welch sports in ONE MILLION B.C.

The story is pretty basic. A bunch of members of a guy’s tribe, including his best girl, are kidnapped by a powerful and technologically anachronistic tribe. So he sets out to get them back. Various big things would like to eat him or stomp him flat along the way.

You’ll see some criticisms of this movie that are silly: People complaining that the characters speak English, for example. Well, we don’t know what languages they spoke 12,000 years ago, so either they speak English, or it’s going to be “Ook ook ock ock” for an hour and 45 minutes. I for one vote for English.

More problematic is the New Age (or New Stone Age) mystical mumbo-jumbo. You’d think living in a world with prehistoric monsters would be enough to drive a story, but this brings in a lot of psychic visions and prophecies that seem to get fulfilled randomly for no particular purpose.

Also, pointing out inaccuracies in a movie like this is like shooting fish in a barrel, but I wanted to make one observation: When these guys are in the mountainous north, they encounter mammoths, but when they get to what one day will be Egypt, there are also mammoths. Why aren’t there elephants? Because the people who wrote this movie don’t realize that elephants were also around 12,000 years ago.

Still, it’s a fairly entertaining romp across a prehistoric land that never existed as shown.

Popularity: 29% [?]

Posted by Mack Guffin | Filed Under 3 Stars, Action, Camilla Bell, Cliff Curtis, Steven Strait, Theatrical 

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Comments

One Response to “10,000 B.C.”

  1. Mack Guffin on March 7th, 2008 6:43 am

    And here’s the trailer for 10,000 BC on YouTube.

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