Top Cat - The Complete Series
December 31, 2004 | Leave a Comment
This show sucks. I wish I could leave it at that, but a three-word sentence does not a review make. I watched a lot of Hanna Barbera shows when I was growing up and I liked a lot of them. My fondest memories are of Space Ghost, the Hillbilly Bears, The Jetsons, Wally Gator and Magilla Gorilla. I’m sure I’m leaving out some good ones, as there were so many.
None of the local stations in my home town ever carried Top Cat, though, and maybe that’s the problem. Maybe if I’d seen it and loved it as a kid, I’d somehow “get it”. Or maybe not. Maybe it does just suck.
The basic idea here was to rip off the Phil Silvers Show by basing many of Top Cat’s feline characters on those from that beloved classic, much the way The Flintstones was based largely only The Honeymooners. In this case, Top Cat and his buddies are con artist bums that live in an alley. The only thing keeping them from stealing the city blind is the hapless Officer Dibble who despite a few hundred CCs more brain mass, always manages to be one step behind the cats and their mischief.
I admit that I didn’t watch all 30 of the episodes, but after the half-dozen or so that I sampled, I was feeling too nauseous to continue. For adults, the humor just fell completely flat with me and I doubt I so much as even chuckled once. For kids, I doubt they’d find it funny either, especially today’s generation. As well, the fact that Top Cat himself is an amoral and horrible example to kids would keep me from ever letting them watch this show even if it WAS funny.
If you loved it as a kid, then, sure, go ahead and pick yourself up a copy. Knock yourself out! Just don’t send me any whiny emails lamenting how it wasn’t nearly as funny as you remembered it to be. And for those of you who have never seen Top Cat, do yourself a favor and don’t.
Crusade
December 29, 2004 | Leave a Comment
Oh, but what could have been. Back when Babylon 5 was in its heyday, I never missed an episode and, thanks to the magical wonders of VHS technology, I usually watched each one 3-4 times back-to-back. That show’s creator, J. Michael Straczynski, is famous for extreme levels of detail in his works so when a new follow-up series set in the B5 universe was announced, I was practically giddy with anticipation.
The first episode of Crusade aired in June of 1999 and I could see that this would turn out to be a worthy successor to B5. Sure, the cast & crew hadn’t yet found their stride, but that is the case with every new series. Alas, it was not to be. Thirteen episodes into the first season, the bigwigs at TNT & Straczynski got into a pissing contest on the direction of the show. At some point during all this, TNT decided to just can the entire show.
All we have now are these 13 episodes which, in the final analysis, ain’t much. After watching them all again, I feel like I’m standing on Coast Guard cutter off Miami Beach watching my cruise ship sink after having just embarked on a great vacation cruise around the world. It was over before it got started and, by the time the credits on the final episode roll, nothing significant has happened. Hence the three stars. I have no doubt that, had Crusade gone its full five year course, I would be slapping a four or (more likely) five star rating on this set.
So what exactly DO you get? And, if it’s so short and meaningless, how can it get even three stars? To put it simply, it’s just that damn well made. Straczynski consulted with engineers at the Jet Propulsion Laboratory and others in order to give a more real sense to the technology of the series. All of the sets were designed virtually and then tweaked hundreds of times before the first nail was hammered into the first board. The all-CGI space scenes were made even better than the ones in B5.
So what about the storyline? Sure, the shadow war was over and all seemed well, but there was to be no “happily ever after” for Earth. The former toadies of the Shadows, the Drakh, are quite PO’d that earth has taken their masters (and benefactors) from them so they decide to retaliate by dropping a wicked nasty biological plague agent into the upper atmosphere of Earth.
Scientists soon realize this is an adaptive agent. This is the good news. The agent won’t kill you immediately. The bad news is that it will adapt & evolve into a lethal form over time. Specifically, the best minds predict everyone on earth will die in five years. Earth is immediately quarantined and their only hope is to gather the best non-contaminated crew they can muster, put them on the baddest of the bad-ass new Earth ships, the Excalibur, and send them into space looking for a cure.
Arthurian parallels are everywhere. Captain Arthur..er.. I mean Gideon and his Crew of the Round Table join forces with Merlin the Magician…er, I mean Galen the Technomage and set out to find a cure.
If you’re a big Straczynski / Babylon 5 buff, this is a must have item if for no other reason that the fact that it exists. If not, you’ll probably like it ok anyway, but you will be disappointed by the fact that nothing get accomplished and none of the burning questions get answered. Maybe someday, though. Maybe someday.
Lemony Snicket’s A Series of Unfortunate Events
December 29, 2004 | Leave a Comment
Here is the scenario guys: The family is in town. You have eaten. Nothing to talk about and the wee ones are getting restless. You ask yourself a question. Self? Yes. Do we stare at each other and pretend to care what is going on in each others lives or do what any man would do and escape the house and see a movie? I think you know the answer. Pack up the crew and go the multiplex for a little old-fashioned isolationist entertainment BUT… it is Christmas so you need to see something kid and mom friendly. If you have already seen the Incredibles and SpongeBob this one will do. If not forget this over hyped 800-pound gorilla and see one of the other 2. Snicket is not great but it passes for a decent way to spend 2 hours.
After a fire claims the lives of the Baudelaire children’s mother and father they are sent to live with their closest (geographically) living ‘relative’. Violet (Emily Browning) Klaus (Liam Aiken) and Sunny (baby) are sent to live with dear Count Olaf (Jim Carrey). Olaf is a schmuck that forces the kids to live in the attic and cook and clean for him while he and his acting troupe take up space. Olaf does everything in his power to gain full guardianship so he can claim the family fortune. He even (dun-dun-dun) tries to kill them when he discovers he can’t have their money unless he is either married or they die accidentally. Typical kid story crap. Evil guardian trying to kill kids and steal money. Seen it a hundred times.
Carrey is actually funny in this and after seeing his last couple of comedies I thought he might be on 14 minutes and 59 seconds. Glad to see I was wrong but the funniest part of this movie has to be the subtitles associated to the youngest kid Sunny. Very funny stuff. I laughed out loud at least 3 times. I am not sure if the exchange of comments between Olaf and the baby are actually in the books because I am a grown man and my son has already read them so there is no reason to find out. But if the movie is any indication then they might be a good read for your kids or you… if you have mother issues and need a ba-ba to go night night while you squeeze your teddy and cry yourself to sleep as you dream of midgets dancing on coffee tables… so on and so on. If you do then call a doctor ASAP and get some help. If not keep reading.
Although Carrey and Streep are both a bit over the top with their characters and Carrey plays 4 in this one, it works. I say the 3 stars is appropriate and the lack of T&A almost got it 2 but along comes Stiffler’s mom to help round it out. It is no where near as good as Harry Potter or last years surprise success Holes but it’s also not the F’N Cat in my wallet or Grinch who stole my 10 bucks either. Better than most kid friendly feel good crap and not as good as Star Wars which is only 5 short months away, hehe.
AnitTrust
December 29, 2004 | Leave a Comment
I’m not exactly a big Microsoft booster, but this movie is so blatantly anti-Microsoft that it got on my Nurves.
Tim Robbins plays Bill Gates… ok, so it’s actually Gary Winston, but the similarity wouldn’t get past Helen Keller. Both run huge software companies in the northwest, though Gary’s company is in Portland instead of Redmond. Both have the big house on the water with lots and lots of computerized stuff, both wear the same type of glasses, you get the idea. Sure, they threw in the name Bill Gates once, just so you know they weren’t actually trying to portray the big man, but how much you want to bet that line wasn’t in the movie before the lawyers got involved?
Ryan Phillippe plays Milo, a hotshot computer geek who Gary hires in order to finish his latest software program, Synapse. I’m not gonna bother telling you what Synapse does as its totally ludicrous, but Gary will do whatever it takes to get the program out the door on time. Actually, I kinda wish Bill Gates had the same attitude sometimes.
Milo goes to work for Gary and of course discovers that things aren’t exactly as they seem and finds himself motivated to take Gary down. Whatever, it doesn’t really matter. The movie is mildly interesting and is actually worth a rental, but I wouldn’t recommend adding it to your personal collection.
One note though, I really want to work at the Egg!
Seven
December 29, 2004 | Leave a Comment
If you liked 8MM but have never seen this, you need to check it out. Seven is also directed by David Fincher and has that same general dark murky look as 8MM along with dealing with some disturbing subject matter. In this flick, retiring detective Sommerset (Morgan Freeman) and his replacement, Mills, played by Brad Pitt attempt to solve a really gruesome set of murders. Saying much more would violate our no spoilers policy, but suffice to say this killer is a very creative guy when it comes to new and disgusting ways to off a victim. We give him a solid 10 for style points on the Movies for Guys psycho slasher scale.
Although there are no extras at all other than the obligatory production notes, and the video is not anamorphically enhanced, this is still a great DVD reproduction of the movie. You’ll have to settle for letterbox, but the video quality is otherwise outstanding. And that’s no easy task on DVD for a movie over 2 hours long and shot as dark as this one is. We noticed no flaws at all and everything was razor sharp even in the extreme low light scenes. Sound quality was also excellent with tasteful use of Dolby Digital 5.1 to set the mood. It’ll let you know your sub and rear speakers are there, but doesn’t go over the top like many booger movies do.
We wish it were widescreen enhanced, and we also wish we had seen more flesh from Gwyneth Paltrow, but if you like a good horror/thriller/murder mystery type of flick, this one belongs in your collection.
Flight of the Phoenix
December 23, 2004 | Leave a Comment
Let me state up front that though this movie gets a 3-star rating, we here at MfG have to warn you that, if you have seen the original 1965 movie with Jimmy Stewart, this new version helmed by John Moore drops back to a 2-star rating. We all thought the original version of the movie was quite good and we had a lot of reservations about the need for a remake. The action scenes were done so well that we feared there wasn’t much that today’s sfx technology could improve upon and, as it turns out, our fears were justified. If you haven’t seen the original, though, we feel you’ll probably enjoy it a bit more than we did.
Before I get too negative, though, lets review what is good about the movie. Firstly, the casting was, given the story changes, quite good and the acting performances turned in were also pretty decent. The special effects folks did do a good job introducing some very scary looking weather, too. Specifically, the sand storm at the beginning made for some great eye candy and the electrical storms were also well done. As well, the source material is top notch. What made the original version so good was the story and the little surprises & setbacks built into it. Some of that brilliance shines through in the remake even with some mis-steps taken by the writers and Mr. Moore.
On the down side, the editing was spotty in places and there was too much in it that was contrived. As the cargo is being loaded on the plane at the beginning, I wondered why they were loading dozens of metal pipe sections and leaving behind all the valuable electronics and comm equipment. Later I realized that the pipe sections would required later for makeshift scaffolding and the comm equipment would have only allowed them to make a satellite phone call and get out of there with little muss or fuss. Silly me! I should have realized that characters in second tier-movies will always do what is required to further the plot rather than do what makes common sense.
Another source of disappointment for me in the movie was that many of the little changes to the story seemed to have been done simply for the sake of throwing a curveball to people who’ve seen the original. The problem here is that these breaking balls hang up in the strike zone and even Jessica Simpson could hit these out of the park.
If you never saw the original, then these annoyances won’t exist for you, though. Nor will you have a superior product to compare it to. Think of it like this: If you’ve never been to Las Vegas, then Reno would seem like a pretty neat place.
The bottom line is if you miss this one on the big screen, you shouldn’t lose sleep over it, but it’s not a totally horrible waste of two hours either.
Helter Skelter Directors Cut
December 15, 2004 | Leave a Comment
I remember seeing the first one on a re-run when I was a wee tyke and I didn’t sleep for months. So, I was not excited about rehashing old fears for the sake of a TV remake. The face of then Manson impersonator Steve Railsback burned permanently into my fragile mind and I didn’t have room for another one. Creepy. What sucks so much about that is; if I close my eyes and think real hard I can still see him… Talk about a face only a mother could love… Really Creepy. There is no way anyone can say the star of this version was more scary looking than Railsback because he isn’t, NO ONE IS. Jeremy Davies is however a much better actor and that’s what drove this movie home for me. In an extra on this DVD the director and producers explain the degree of research Davies put in for the ‘honor’ of portraying this loon. But, to me no role is worth walking down the path he does. The commentary stated he watched every interview Manson ever did on TV. Listened to every single radio performance he could get his hands on and even fell asleep with the ramblings of this psycho in his head each night. Wrong on so many levels but after seeing the results I guess it was worth it.
I wasn’t sure I wanted to see this remake for many reasons; my fears aside that is. The biggest being the story has not changed since the first movie in 1975 and what was the point of telling the same story again? That only works (sometimes) when the story is fictional because it isn’t considered poor taste for a director to add his own flavor to make it his own. This story is not fictional and did not need to be enhanced to increase the terror or awareness. So why do it? Who knows but it worked. I guess.
Enough of the prelims let’s get to the review of the movie. (bout time)
This movie follows the Manson family’s exploits through the story of Linda Kasabian (Clea Duvall) and her involvement during the two evil nights in question. Opening sequences surround the Spahn ranch and the freaks that followed this false prophet and the things they would do for him. Boring… Murder in a country house… talk, talk, talk… Beach Boys… Manson spews his psycho babble for another hour or so and THEN, the event that crippled a nation with fear for years, The Tate/Labianca murders. I do not need to go into detail about those events because you can find that anywhere on the net if you really want to know and, if you didn’t I will save you the nightmares. Back to the movie; Most of the characters are shallow with the exception of District Attorney Vincent Bugliosi (Bruno Kirby) and of course Duvall and Davies who is absolutely amazing in his portrayal of Manson. Turns out the warped bedtime stories paid off… Not sure that’s a good thing, only time will tell. The sound is really good. Good enough to hear gurgling sounds and in this case that is not a good thing. The video is pretty awesome too. Blood is red, dirt is brown and Davies looks like Manson. Extras include Directors commentary, deleted scenes and a screen test of sorts with Davies mastering the above mentioned crazy talk. I guarantee it will have you reversing the scene multiple times just to understand what the hell he is talking about. And, by my estimation that about covers it.
If you are not sure if this is something you want to spend your money on, let me break it down for you. Are there better stories in the fictional world that will make you cringe more? Yes. Is there a better way to spend your time than watching this? Yes. Will it achieve the expected creep factor you are looking for? Yes. Will you learn something about Manson? Oh most definitely. Will it make my family uncomfortable if I were to give it as a gift? Guarantee it. If these reasons grab you, buy it. If not rent it and wait for the sequel.
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Vol. 6
December 14, 2004 | Leave a Comment
I hope I don’t really need to explain the premise of MST3K to anyone reading this, but on the off chance that a few of you don’t know about this show I’ll do it anyway. Once upon a time (1988-1999) there was this great show about a janitor who was exiled to space and forced to watch a horrible movie every week. To keep his sanity, he built himself a few robot buddies from spare parts, and they make wisecracks during the movies. Totally logical, right?
It’s silly and absurd, and that’s exactly how it’s supposed to be. This is a great collection of MST3K episodes, including two of my favorites, “Mr. B’s Lost Shorts” and “Teenagers From Outer Space”. Listening to Joel, Tom and Crow kinda reminds me of listening to Dennis Miller… you have to pay attention to get all of the references, and there’s no way you’ll get all of them. That’s part of the fun of watching with friends so you can compare with each other and try to get the most of out the humor. If this sounds like work, it’s not, it’s just good fun.
If you’ve already started a collection of MST3K episodes you’re gonna need this one. If you haven’t, this is an excellent place to start.
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut
December 12, 2004 | Leave a Comment
If you’re a South Park fan at all, you’re going to laugh your butt off in this movie, and I doubt you’ll leave disappointed. However, the impression that was stuck in my head as I left the theater was “what the heck was with all of the freaking songs?” Ok, after hearing Cartman cuss like crazy, “freaking” isn’t really the word that was in my head.
The movie will nearly make you wet your pants at several points in the first half. However one of the gags is that they poke fun at the Disney feature animations with all of their songs. South Park has it’s own flavor of songs, some of which are hysterical. The first 4 or 5 times it is funny. But by the end of the movie, I actually found myself getting annoyed. It seems like every 3-4 minutes one of the characters stops doing anything comical at all and does a song. I’m not sure whether they were trying to fill time or if they honestly thought running that gag in the ground was funny. Given that the movie only manages to run 80 minutes, I wouldn’t be surprised if it wasn’t done at least partially for filler.
The songs were annoying enough to me to make it impossible for me to give the movie the coveted Movies For Guys 5 Star rating, but other than that the thing was a riot and everything you’d expect. There are few boundaries they didn’t waltz right up to and step across with this one. It’s not just language either, they really go over the top, and it’s funny as hell. There’s truly something to offend everyone in this one. And even as jaded as I consider myself to be, I think I picked up a few new phrases for my vocabulary from Eric Cartman.
I did miss a couple of key elements from the TV series too. First off, after all of the bad songs that were in there, they should’ve worked in Primus, who does the TV theme. And second, where the heck was Officer Barbrady?
Despite the overdone musical portions of the movie, it still rocks, go see it. I don’t think any South Park fan should miss this one, however the songs may make it very difficult for me to want to see it twice, at least not too quickly.
The Watcher
December 12, 2004 | Leave a Comment
I would have to say The Watcher was pretty good. Hardly an original movie, but not without a couple of suprises. Seeing Keanu Reeves play a real psycho in this movie is a change for him and he does a decent job. James Spader plays a relocated cop who tried in vain to catch Reeves’ serial killer while in Los Angeles. He moves to Chicago only to discover that Reeves has followed him there and is up to his old tricks.
We soon see that Spader’s character Joel Campbell has a great personal motivation in helping to catch and stop serial killer David Allen Griffin (Reeves). Not only that, Griffin has a great personal attachment to Campbell that is his motivation behind the killings. Like I said, on the surface it’s hardly original stuff. What are interesting are the details that emerge behind the connection between these two, though the movie doesn’t delve too deeply in them.
For Griffin all of it is sort of a game or a ritual that Campbell has to be a part of. He does this by sending Campbell photos of the women he intends to kill, telling him he has a day to find them before he does his serial killer thing. Griffin, trying to escape his past failures, finally realizes what’s going on (apparently it takes him up to two weeks to open some of his mail) and the hunt is on.
This movie interested me because I was curious to see how Reeves would play one messed up serial killer. I don’t see an Oscar nomination forthcoming for his performance, but he did get the job done playing a really weird guy, pretty much the opposite of his nice guy role in The Replacements. The rest of the cast did a good enough job as well. Marisa Tomei wasn’t in it a great deal, but enough to develop in interest in her character.
As for thrills and effects, it’s a mixed bag. This movie won’t make you tense up the way say, Seven did, but it kept me interested. The explosions were great in one scene, lame in another because they used computer effects instead of just blowing up a building. And the soundtrack seemed as though the producers couldn’t make up their mind what kind of atmosphere they wanted to develop. I heard techno rock (one song straight from The Matrix soundtrack), dramatic orchestral type music, and even Shaftesque low horn notes. At one point I started to feel tense over someone’s fate only to have the feeilng evaporate when the techno rock kicked in. That’s not a good thing in my opinion.
Despite the flaws it’s still a decent movie if you’re in the mood for some thrills and are curious to see how Reeves pulls off the role of a serial killer.
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Gun Play
Blood & Gore Car Chases T&A Chuckles |
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