Freedomland
February 20, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Set in 1999 New Jersey this movie follows the carjacking of Brenda Martin (Moore) as well as the apparent kidnapping of her 4 year old son, and the detective assigned to find the boy (Jackson). That is the long and short of it and as much as I disliked this movie it would probably be best for everyone if I stopped there…. but that’s not me so sit right back and I will spin the yarn for ya anyway. My obligation is to inform so that’s just what I plan to do.
Moore’s character Brenda, stumbles into a local ER with her hands covered in blood, babbling about her car being jacked by a young black male. Cops arrive and begin to question her and it isn’t long before the officers realize she is either A. completely out of it or B. Hiding something; So they call in detective Lorenzo Council to get to the bottom of it. Council meets with Brenda and begins to question her further about the reason she would be in such a dangerous part of town (she’s white, the neighborhood isn’t) that late at night – even though she had already told the other cops she was there because of work. Lorenzo doesn’t believe her and neither did I; It would spoil too much if I told you I was right so ignore that line and keep reading.
The place the incident occurred is a very low rent black housing project and since the boy that is missing is white, there is a racial powder keg brewing and detective Council has to solve this case before the white cops of Gannon (an imaginary white section of Imaginary Dempsey NJ), decide to do their own investigation their way and ignite the above mentioned keg. To make matters worse, Brenda’s brother is a detective on the Gannon police force and will do anything to get his nephew back alive. Council knows Brenda’s lying but he just can’t prove it, he knows if he doesn’t solve this case really fast that both the cops and residents of the apartment building are going to choose sides and, then their will be no way at all to stop what he feels will be the inevitable… all out war!
Lorenzo turns to local missing child expert Karen Collucci (Falco) to help him find this kid and end this mess one way or the other. They do their part and the killer is found and brought to justice… I won’t say who it is, so don’t bother asking but this movie sucks so bad I don’t know why you would care. If you have nothing better to do when it makes the cable run and you are all out of DVD’s to watch I suggest you try and stomach this POS, otherwise avoid it at all costs.
Freedomland only lures you in by pretending to be a thriller about a kidnapped child, so don’t be fooled! This film is about as subtle as nails on a chalkboard when it comes to it’s message of racial inequality and police brutality… which really was the point of the film; The kid being kidnapped was just the bait to sell the ticket. I warn you that these two subplots (yeah right, they are the plot) are so heavy handed you lose sight of the device that tricked you into spending your money in the first place. In conclusion; This movie is just plain BAD! From the annoying accent Julliane Moore uses, right down to the racial stereotypes that this sucky director shoves down our throats for two hours. We get it Joe Roth, racism exists… problem is you don’t have the skills to tell this story so I recommend you stick to Revenge of the Nerds 5 and let guys like Paul Haggis handle this kind of story. It’s just too much for you!
Popularity: 15% [?]
Doom
February 16, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Doom is yet another attempt to cash in on the popularity of a video game by turning it into a movie. For the most part, all previous attempts have tanked or had limited success at best. So can one of the most popular video games of all time and The Rock team up for a mega-hit?
If you’ve played a computer based video game in the last decade or so, you’ve likely heard of Doom. It is the grand-daddy of all first person shooters, and really broke new ground as it created what has become the most popular video game genre. The movie makers took some liberties with the storyline of the game to come up with a story for the movie.
In the movie version, the gateway to hell is actually a gateway to a research outpost on another planet where scientists have accidently unlocked something quite hell-ish. A group of space marines, led by The Rock as “Sarge” are sent thru to make sure the quarantine is secured, rescue scientists and generally whip some ass.
The visuals are great. The monsters from the game really come to life nicely here. There’s also some cool sequences from a first person point of view that pay homage to the game. They wisely didn’t get too carried away with that. And there’s a lot of action and serious gore. We wanted to like the movie a lot, but something was missing.
All of the ingredients for a great movie are in Doom, so why did it feel like it was over 2 hours long when in reality it was only an hour and forty minutes? Action characters need to be “cool”, and when you go hire the most electrifying man in sports entertainment to star in your movie, it should be easy to have a cool character. The Rock did a good job, but this was written and played as a serious action role. Where are the wise cracks? Or at least the classic action film one liners? I can pull dozens of quotes from any movie I truly love. I can’t pull a single one from Doom, there was nothing memorable.
We give Doom 2 stars, but it’s not a total waste of time, especially if you’re a fan of The Rock or of the video game. The first person sequence alone is worth a DVD rental. And the visuals and sound should make for a really killer DVD in general. Ask Santa for a copy, I’m sure it’ll be out in time for Christmas.
Popularity: 15% [?]
Saw 2
February 14, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Saw made a lot of money by delivering more movie than the public expected. Could the sequel possibly do the same? Yep, if anything Saw II is actually better than the first one.
The bad guy in the Saw movies is a nutcase called Jigsaw, named for the bit of skin he cuts out of his victims that’s shaped like a puzzle piece. It could also reference his method of killing his victims, or rather, how he puts them in mortal situations with a puzzle they have to solve or face death. For example, Saw II starts off with a guy sitting in a chair, a large metal bear trap type device attached to his neck. The two sides of the trap (front and back) are filled with nails, making it quite obvious that when this trap springs the dudes face will become a pincushion. The puzzle? Jigsaw hid a key on the guy and he has 60 seconds to find it… think he makes it? If so, you haven’t seen the first Saw.
Saw took place mainly in an old men’s room, this time the primary place is a house that’s being filled with nerve gas. The people inside have 2 hours to figure out the various puzzles to get antidotes before they succumb to the gas, or to each other as they aren’t a nice bunch of folks.
The biggest change that might confuse you with Saw II is that the cops get to Jigsaw right at the very beginning so he’s not… wait… can’t finish that sentence just in case you haven’t seen the first movie. Heck, I really can’t talk about the plot anymore.
What you need to know is that the acting is better than Saw, the traps are quite interesting, there’s lots of blood and once again there’s a good twist at the end. This one is WELL worth seeing, highly recommended. You really should see Saw before seeing the sequel though otherwise you’ll be missing out on some stuff and you’ll ruin the ending to the first movie in the process.
Popularity: 15% [?]
The Brothers Grimm
February 12, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Once upon a time on a hobby store shelf I spotted a little dice game named “Cosmic Wimpout”. I didn’t buy the game, but the title was amusing enough that I never forgot about it. And if I had to describe this movie in two words, those would be the words: cosmic wimpout.
The fairy tales of the Brothers Grimm were some of my favorite things to read when I was growing up. So much so that everyone that I was sure to grow up to be a very twisted adult. Ok, so maybe I am twisted, but that doesn’t mean that the stories weren’t good. They were *very* good, in fact. And they were so very, very depressing, bloody, and tragic. How could you not love that!?
Terry Gilliam (Brazil, Twelve Monkeys, Time Bandits) was at the helm of the movie and, I thought, this was a good thing. I expected his usual flair for divinely inspired absurdity as well as visuals that would stun me into a semi-catatonic state. Unfortunately, this was not to be.
What I suspected at the time and have since somewhat confirmed is that Gilliam was on a short leash. Not all that surprising given his past predilections toward blowing the budget out of the roof and, as well, making movies that the studios deemed “viewer unfriendly”. He was guilty on both accounts, but he was only ever trying to be faithful to his original ideas and concepts. He is a brilliant man and I can appreciate the level of commitment he has towards his ideas, but the studios apparently cannot.
The end result is a “kinder, gentler” Brothers Grimm. If you’ve seen the previews, you know that the Brothers Grimm are a couple of charlatans that move from town to town, create fake monsters based on local legends and then demand a huge reward for going out and “killing” the monsters. It’s a good gig and pays handsomely…until they get caught, that is. The movie takes place in French occupied Germany around the year 1800 and the frogs are none to thrilled with the Brothers Grimm and their antics. They are caught and given a choice: execution OR they can go to a nearby town that is also being plagued by similar charlatans and expose them for what they are. Care to guess which option they chose?
As the preview leads you to believe, things aren’t as they seem and the legends of the area seem to be just a little TOO real. Are the monsters and ghosts real? Or are they very elaborate fakes that get exposed in the end by these meddling kids? I won’t tell. Not even for *two* scooby snacks.
What I will tell you is that you aren’t likely to care one way or another. The performances are adequate, but not exceptional. Ledger gets the nod from me for best performance of the bunch. The cinematography is adequate; inspired in some places, hum-drum in others. And no self-respecting kid over the age of 8 will be scared in the least. How telling is it that the goriest thing in a Brothers Grimm movie is a scene where the heroine skins a rabbit?
The studio stink is all over this one and the commandments were laid down: “Thou shalt not make a movie that contains truly scary and horrific fairy tales. Thou shalt make it nearly bloodless and it shall end with everyone living happily ever after. Thou shalt also make it funny; much funnier than the material would otherwise be so as to ensure the audience never gets too tense.” What a crock.
My rant aside, the movie is actually watchable. The humor, though misplaced, keeps you from getting too bored with it. If you and your family are looking for some fairly mindless pablum to spoon into your minds, this will fit the bill nicely. Just don’t expect the true spirit of the original Brothers Grimm.
Popularity: 14% [?]
Dune: Extended Edition
February 12, 2006 | Leave a Comment
In 1984 when David Lynch released Dune in its original theatrical cut, he was asked to explain his film in one word, he said ‘complex’ – and he was right. The movie Dune is not typical sci-fi like Star Trek or Star Wars where you can just sit down and watch it regardless of your knowledge of the back-story. Dune requires at the very least a basic understanding of Frank Herberts Universe. Let me put that in perspective for you; Imagine JRR Tolkien’s Lord of The Rings Middle Earth multiplied by 10 and you will come close to the complexity and depth of the world of Dune. This is not a problem for die hards; It can however really suck for the casual viewer, but at least David Lynch took all of that into consideration when editing the theatrical cut. Too bad Lynch’s replacement “Allen Smithee” didn’t consider the same thing when editing this one.
I will not go over the original movie and its plot because as you can tell by the first paragraph; Dune is too complicated to explain and must be seen to fully understand it anyway, so what would be the point. I love Dune in it’s original form so try not to assume I hate the movie itself when you read this review; I just didn’t like this cut and in my opinion Lynch was right to distance himself from it.
In the original cut the scenes although foggy for some, flowed. This time the scenes are cut together in a way that does not make sense! Chronologically speaking, the scenes almost feel like they are out of order now and as a fan it irritated me a bit. Let’s get to it; The Good first and then the Bad.
The best thing about the extended edition is the opening and the narration for the entire back-story of Dune. This narration is accompanied with stills and production art that covers the battle with the machines all the way to the beginning of the film, which is a pretty cool addition. Deleted scenes with an introduction from Rafaella De Laurentiis and lastly, the battle scenes are more graphic and intense… and that is it!
The bad however is too much to bother with but I will try. The sound is inconsistent between the new scenes and the original cut, the transfer quality is grainy as hell at times and the pacing of the new version just bored me to tears. I could go on but if you plan to buy it you will, and if you have no idea what I’m talking about, you will forget this movie and this review in 10 minutes so let me save both of us and stop now. Oh, I almost forgot there is one other redeeming quality to this Extended Edition DVD; You do get the original edition with updated DD 5.1 track on side one which is the only reason I am giving 3 stars instead of 2.
Popularity: 15% [?]
2 Fast 2 Real II
February 7, 2006 | Leave a Comment
I’m not as much of a gear head as some of the other guys here, my tastes lean more towards Mercedes than Mopar, but I certainly appreciate a car that can punch me in the gut when challenged at a redlight. Even so, I figured after 10 minutes of this DVD I’d be bored from watching ricers play with their little Civics. Instead I found myself thoroughly enjoying myself from beginning to end.
This movie is basically a pseudo-documentary about a group of guys and gals who like to spend their weekends racing cars. Unfortunately there aren’t any tracks around for them to use, so they have to do it on the street. This leads to regular encounters with the police as you can well imagine, and we get to see several of them on film. There’s also the occasional “oops!” with other cars… and a telephone pole. Nothing serious though, this DVD leans towards street racing and isn’t trying to scare you like those films from high school.
For the most part the cars you see are older American cars that have been souped up and can post some serious numbers. There’s also the occasional import, and a few of them can even run like the wind (a Civic posting a 9.5 quarter mile is something to see.) More than one motorcycle makes an appearance, and there’s even a race between a couple of dumptrucks. Yes, you read that correctly.
If you’re into fast cars but prefer affordable hardware, this DVD is right up your alley. Just remember, while what you’re seeing is real street racing, that doesn’t mean you should try this on your own streets. These guys are using controlled conditions and have lots of safety equipment in their cars in case something goes wrong. Well, some of them do at least.
Popularity: 18% [?]
Gumball 3000: Six Days In May
February 6, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Almost the entire staff here at Movies for Guys have 100+ octane blood. Given the choice between an evening with a super car and an evening with a super model, we would have to pause and get back to you after we think about it a bit. So anytime a car movie or street racing DVD crosses our desk we get excited.
Gumball 3000: Six Days in May is a DVD based on the 2004 running of the Gumball in Europe. This is not a “race” as such, it is a rally technically. In reality, what you have is a bunch of rich bad boys with a spectacular collection of super cars tear assing across France, Spain and Morocco. They drive like mad men during the day and party like rock stars at night. This my friends is what we would consider a good time!
Our only complaint with this DVD is that we would like to take the editor out back and smack him silly. He doesn’t stick with any car or crew long enough to really feel like we’re in the race. And anytime they’re about to do something cool like get some track time we’ll get a few seconds then he’ll cut away to someone sipping cocktails at an after-party. We’d love to see a lot more footage of the driving. There are some cool sequences including one spectacular wreck, but it could be better.
Regardless, we give this DVD 4 stars. It’s worth it for the gorgeous collection of cars and cool sequences, scattered as they may be. If you feel a stirring in your loins when I start saying words like Ferrari Enzo, Porsche Twin Turbo, Lamborghini Murcielago or Mercedes AMG then this DVD is for you. And for any of you who are thinking “a car is just transportation”, we’ll tell you Adrien Brody is one of the participants as we know you probably think he’s hot.
Popularity: 16% [?]
Final Destination 3
February 2, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Death A.K.A. The Grim Reaper is like any other (non union) employee that wants to impress his boss, and sometime even he has to “stretch” to get that extra 30% in his quarterly bonus just like the rest of us. This quarter G.R. (sounds better to the ladies) had it all planned out, and he knew he was guaranteed to win the Gold Watch and finally silence any doubters around the Karmic water cooler. All he had to do was pull this project off without a hitch and he would be top dog again. He’s waited years to make up for his little snafu’s on the freeway and in the air and now was his time to shine. All the pieces are in place, the weather is perfect and most of all the boss is watching; Death knows he can’t lose, not this time, not a 3rd time in a row. It couldn’t possibly happen to him again, Could it?
Two times prior to this, Death had spent days if not weeks planning out elaborate over the top stunts to be number one – Both times some overly imaginative teen has a ‘vision’ or some such nonsense that scares away half his prey messing with his overall completion score. This is not only embarrassing, it makes him look incompetent, which leads him to working weekends and overtime to redeem himself. Sucks, but them be the breaks sometime and you just have to dust yourself off and get back on your pale horse.
Enuff’ about ancient history that death can’t control, let’s get to this years chance at redemption.
This time around he plans to kill an entire Roller coaster full of unsuspecting teens that are out for a night of fun frivolity just before graduation. Oh Boy! Wendy (Winstead), her boyfriend, best friend and her boyfriend Kevin (Merriman), are walking to the above mentioned coaster where they conveniently run into a veritable plethora of stereotypical horror fodder so you know we are going to be in for a treat, and believe me we were not disappointed. Anywhoo, While waiting in line to ride the devilish coaster Wendy has a premonition that the coaster will derail and everyone on board will be killed, including herself. This does not sit well with our heroine so she freaks and demands to be let off, NOW! Of course you can’t just release one seat (why not?) so the entire second half of the train has to leave because this chick lost her nut. They get off and just as she is about to be carted off to the parking lot by park security BAM! It happens and the train goes flying into oblivion killing everyone on board. Everyone that is, except the 10 that got off and survived. You can almost hear the Wawawa music as death realizes he’s blown it again. It’s going to be another long quarter to clean this mess up.
All puns aside (way too late but you’ve stuck around this long so just roll with it) I assure you Death manages to make it look easy, and you will love his comeback. I wont’ spoil it for you but I will say that the death scenes in this movie franchise are some of the coolest ever filmed and no matter what you may think of the story and acting, the concept rules and I enjoyed every campy minute. There are teeots, Hurray for me! The gore is top notch and the creativity that goes into each death scene is great. If you hated the first two you won’t care for this one either because it, like it’s sequel, is the same movie with different faces. But, if you liked one or both of the others you won’t be disappointed this time either. The last thing any of us wants is for Death to catch a permanent case of the Monday’s and lose his smile forever, so do management a favor and go see it, Death needs the positive re-enforcement.
Popularity: 14% [?]
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Gun Play
Blood & Gore Car Chases T&A Chuckles |
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