The Dirty Dozen
May 30, 2006 | Leave a Comment
The Dirty Dozen is pretty much the perfect movie. There’s war, fights, shooting, honor, humor, prostitutes, defiance, heroics, revenge, explosions, stabbings, and much more. There’s no real nudity but I’ll give it a pass on that considering how good everything else is. This one would be a classic even if it wasn’t 39 years old.
Lee Marvin is an Army Major who is rather outspoken and likes to do things his own way and as a result he’s made a few enemies. It’s starting to look like his career is over when he’s given a mission right up his alley. His task is to take a group of twelve prisoners who are either on death row or have long term sentences, train them in special forces type skills, then take them behind enemy lines to knock out a heavily defended Nazi retreat.
This may sound like a formula action movie, and it is… but this is the movie that MADE the formula. It’s all here, from the “strong yet gentle” inmate, to the total nut job. Watching this group transform from a bunch of criminals into a tight knit team is a pleasure due to the amazing cast. How’s this list sounds for you: Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, George Kennedy, Charles Bronson, Trini Lopez, Jim Brown, Clint Walker, Telly Savalas, John Cassavetes and Donald Sutherland.
My only complaint with the movie has to do with the hookers. Some of those ladies looked like grandmothers which was quite disturbing. I know there was a war on and all, but damn you’d have to be hard up to mess around with some of these ladies!
I’m embarrassed to say that this was the first time I’d seen The Dirty Dozen all the way through. Previously I’d caught bits and pieces of it on TBS but never bothered to watch it all due to the commercials and edits. If you haven’t seen this one before you really should take the time to watch it. I guarantee you won’t be disappointed.
Popularity: 19% [?]
Layer Cake
May 27, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Layer cake is about a former drug dealer/ small time hood/ middle man, on the verge of retirement and the difficulties associated with getting out once you decide you’ve had enough… It would seem CRIME does pay; Problem is you have to keep working or there will come a time, when crime asks to be paid back, and some guys aren’t ready to write that check. This movie is about how to keep that particular day from ever coming.
The main character (Craig), known only as XXXX, is the above mentioned wannabe-retiree and the story weaves in and around his involvement with what seems like the bulk of the British underworld. XXXX is waiting to pick up the profits from his latest score (and disappear) when he is approached by Jimmy Price and asked to do him a favor. Jimmy needs XXXX and his crew to locate the daughter of a business associate and return her safely, and he doesn’t care how it gets done, just that it get done quickly. Which as we all know from these kinds of films, this is never a good thing for the guy who’s asked to do it. Oh well, live and learn!
XXXX accepts the offer and sets out to find the missing girl and her crack head boyfriend, while at the same time attempting to broker a deal for a very large quantity of Extacy that he is about to procure. Moving and shaking at every turn, you have to know it will not end well.
Things do not go as planned, and then the real story kicks off. XXXX’s contact that was supposed to ‘buy’ the X decided instead to steal it, and during the robbery accidentally killed an associate of the Serbian mafia that ultimately leads to the entire crew having to dodge bullets from a hitman that’s been hired to eliminate those responsible. And, anyone involved with them, including our unlucky hero and his crew. Enuff of that just watch it!
Guns, gore, drugs and headless bodies pile up as double cross after double cross leads the viewer through a constant maze of confusion and deception. In a good way, I promise!
You will dig it if you like British crime flicks like Lock Stock and Snatch – Did I mention this film is directed by the same guy that produced those other two? If not, I am now. And, Matthew Vaughn in my opinion is better at story telling and direction than Guy Ritchie so if you had to call the three films a trilogy this is the best of the three, IMNHO.
Lastly, the acting is excellent and if the performance Daniel Craig gives in this film is any indication, he will be a kick arse Bond, even if he is Blonde. Sienna Miller is as fine as she ever was and the rest of the cast is great so there is no reason not to own this movie.
In short – Layer Cake is an old fashioned caper film with multiple twists and turns, that tells one heck of a story and anyone who is a fan of good crime flicks *MUST* see this one.
Popularity: 20% [?]
X2: X-Men United
May 27, 2006 | Leave a Comment
X2 is better than the first X-Men movie in every way, and is nearly a perfect sequel. It’s bigger than the original without feeling longer, and they didn’t waste time introducing us to characters we already know. Plus, when they did introduce new characters they pretty much just breezed on by and kept the action going.
X2 starts off with NightCrawler doing what he does best, kicking ass via teleportation. But why is he trying to get to the President? That’s a mystery to be solved later, and we don’t do spoilers.
Meanwhile, back at the X-Cave, Wolverine returns to seek more answers about his past from Professor X. “No young Jedi, some answers you must find for yourself. Be strong and all will be made apparent to you.” Wait… I’m getting confused.
The best part about X2 is that it feels like you’re walking into a story that’s already started, and when the movie ends you know for certain that things aren’t over yet. The real trick is that the writers managed to do this without you feeling lost at the beginning of the movie, and without getting pissed off at a cliffhanger at the end. That takes true skill.
Casting is excellent of course, and the original cast has returned for this movie. This could be a problem in the future though as I’m sure the cast members are going to demand hefty raises after this movie, and we all know Patrick Stewart has a history of doing this. When a movie has so many “main” characters, can a series possibly survive under the weight of those egos and salaries? I hope so as I’d hate to try and get used to new actors.
Fox has already been toying around with the possibility of spinoff movies for some of the characters, and Wolverine would be an obvious choice here as he’s already getting most of the screen time. Would spinoffs work? I think so, but then they’d need to keep the solo character to a minimum for the next X-Men movie. Can you imagine it if they managed to make this plan work? Wolverine movie one year, Storm the next, X-Men after that, followed by Cyclops, etc.
Oh, one last thing. Mystique is the ultimate woman. Period.
Popularity: 20% [?]
X-Men: The Last Stand
May 26, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Sometimes you just LOVE to be wrong. When Brett Ratner was brought in to take over the direction of X-Men 3 from Bryan Singer (director of the first two X-Men movies), I have to admit that my heart sank a little bit. Anyone familiar with comics knows that CONTINUITY is a good thing and, with Singer gone, there was no telling how jarring that would be to the continuing mutant war storyline that was developed in the first two movies.
I’m glad…no, I’m thrilled to say that Ratner held the line and not only kept building the story, he also injected a crapload of adrenalin into it. In X-Men 3: The Last Stand, the homo sapien / homo superior war comes to a head and, BOY!, there is a huge body count. And it ain’t just civilians and soldiers either. By the time the movie gets going really well, we’ve already learned the lesson that NOBODY is safe.
War is hell. It’s just that simple. And this war is no different. If you’ve seen the first two X-Men flicks (and I KNOW you have!), you know that a conflict has been brooding for quite sometime between paranoid “normal” humans in government and the few but powerful mutants that seem to be coming out into the open more and more each day.
But as with humanity, the mutants are not homogenous. There are good ones, bad ones, and lots more in between. The two most prominent are, of course, Professor Charles Xavier and Eric “Magneto” Lensherr. These once longtime friends are now enemies. They both wish to see mutants flourish and live freely and securely, but while Xavier wants mutants and humans to peacefully co-exist, Magneto would simply rather kill and/or enslave normal humans that get in their way.
The government isn’t quite sure how to handle the situation, but in true government fashion, they set up a cabinet level department to oversee the problem and not much seems to get done.
Enter Leech, a young mutant who has the ability to cancel other mutant powers. A large corporation develops what they call a “cure” for the mutant “X” gene using Leech’s blood. The government latches onto this notion in the hopes that the mutants will simply want to cure themselves and the problem will take care of itself.
But you and I and every other comic book reader know better, right? While some of the mutants (including some of the X-Men themselves) like the idea of being “normal”, most don’t. At least most of the powerful mutants don’t. Magneto fears that this “voluntary” cure will become mandatory and decides that mutants must strike first in order to survive. Magneto doesn’t dress particularly well nor is he exactly “hip”, but the man definitely has a sense of STYLE! And the attack he plans and executes is QUITE impressive.
This movie is all about payoffs: Payoff for the mutant war, payoff for the Jean Grey / Dark Phoenix saga, payoff for some of the characters that were only peripherally seen before (Kitty Pryde, Colossus), and a big payoff for us in that we finally get to see just HOW powerful these guys truly are.
The characters are all known to us by now and everyone seems very comfortable in their roles here in their third go-round. One great thing is that none of the main characters are iconic. Such are the trappings of lesser movies about comic book heroes. Prof. Xavier is arguably the most “goody two shoes” character in the X-Men comics but even he is revealed to have made some morally questionable choices in the past. He even admits that he sometimes had to choose the “lesser of two evils”. There are many shades of grey and, though the X-Men themselves are the heroes, their foes are not completely bad or evil and we are shown ways to empathize with all sides.
It is this empathy that makes the carnage that much more shocking. It means little to see a cardboard soldier get burned to death or to see an evil mutant riddled with bullets. But if you can understand where they are coming from and know that they all feel like they are doing the right thing, then these deaths become tragedies unto themselves. Clint Eastwood showed the moviegoing world how powerful that this could be in Unforgiven and I think Ratner must have been taking notes. Good for him!
For those interested in the new castings (for Juggernaut, Hank McCoy, Angel, Callisto, etc.), they are a bit of a mixed bag. But they are all (save for Hank) minor additions to the story. Thankfully, however, casting Kelsey Grammer in that role was nothing short of inspired.
Special effects? Off the charts, baby! Just the way I’d always envisioned them. There will be an Oscar for this crew, for sure. These MUST be seen on the big screen! I cannot stress this enough!
In trying to think of negatives for the movie, I cannot come up with much. I can nit-pick the way they’ve changed some of the things from the comics (such as the Dark Phoenix origin, the nature of Leech, combining Callisto and Caliban, the origin of Beast’s blue skin and fur, etc.), but none of these things detract from the movie experience. Some of these changes, such as the origin of Dark Phoenix, serve to help add some irony to the efforts of the X-Men and go to show how similar Xavier and Magneto are after all.
Personally, I plan on seeing it at least two more times in the theater. And I advise you all to see it as soon as possible. And you will DEFINITELY want to stay put in your seat until AFTER all the credits are done. Trust me on this one.
Popularity: 20% [?]
Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume 9
May 24, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Ah, Mystery Science Theater 3000… MST3K… just typing it puts a smile on my face. I was a fan of the show back in the early days and used to enjoy MST3K viewing parties with my friends, so the smile comes partially from the show itself and partially from the memories of what happened at those parties (which is something we won’t discuss here.)
There are 4 movies in this collection, Women of the Prehistoric Planet, Wild Rebels, The Sinister Urge and The Incredibly Strange Creatures Who Stopped Living And Became Mixed-Up Zombies. Now you know you want to watch that last title based on the title alone, and Ed Wood directed The Sinister Urge so that’s an obvious “winner” as well.
This is also a good mix since two of the movies have Joel as the host, and 2 have Mike, so fans of each host have something to be happy about. As usual with MST3K the humor has it’s ups and downs, and the non-movie humor that happens around the commercial breaks can be downright painful to watch. Unless you’re drunk of course, then the entire thing is hysterical.
If you’re a fan of the show you should just go pick this up, it’s worth your time. If you haven’t acquired a taste for MST3K yet or haven’t ever seen it then go over to Netflix and rent a copy.
Popularity: 17% [?]
See No Evil
May 21, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Kane gets top billing in See No Evil as this is his big screen debut. Problem is that he speaks 5 words during the entire film, and one of them is hard to understand.
The plot is so thin it’s hardly worth mentioning. Jacob Goodnight (Kane) is a psychopath who kills people then plucks out their eyes. At the beginning of the movie he’s shot by an officer and disappears (though I don’t remember the viewers actually being told that he got away, he obviously did.) Four years later the officer who shot him takes a group of teen criminals to a rundown hotel in a “work for probation” type thing. Of course, Jacob is hiding in there somewhere still collecting eyeballs and would really like some revenge for that shooting.
See No Evil is a formula movie at best, for example:
- Teens are rowdy, rude, and they want to have sex.
- Sex near a killer means you’re gonna die.
- The hotel has hidden passageways that have “never been found”.
- Even on floors that are off-limits, there’s electricity and working light bulbs.
- The elevator won’t be fast enough.
- The door to the stairs won’t always work.
- Look out behind you!
The acting isn’t horrible in that I didn’t wince when lines were being delivered, but it’s not all that good either. The only saving grace for See No Evil is the gore… there’s lots of it. Remember that Jacob likes to pluck out eyeballs and we get to see it up close and personal when he does. It’s not worth a lot, but I will give an extra star just for making me say to myself “damn, that’s nasty!”
You should wait for DVD on this one though, maybe it’ll be an unrated edition with even more blood. Or maybe the babe will at least turn around in the shower. Sure, her backside was nice to see but I would have appreciated a bit more.
Popularity: 17% [?]
Vanishing Point
May 21, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Vanishing Point is a 1971 movie starring Barry Newman. No, scratch that, hold it. It stars a 1970 Dodge Challenger R/T with a 440 cubic inch hemi. No healthy heterosexual male over the age of 30 can say that without grunting like Tim Allen. Let’s say it one more time “1970 Dodge Challenger R/T with 440 cubic inch hemi”. Just saying it makes me feel like my knuckles are getting closer to the ground, and I need another shave.
So what’s the story about? Well, this is simple. Newman plays a guy named Kowalski who used to be a cop and a race car driver, but now he delivers cars. He needs to get this hopped up Challenger from Denver to San Francisco, and he makes a bet with a dope dealer that he can do it in 15 hours. Yes, his dope dealer. Hey, it was the early 70’s, and you’re gonna get a lot of hippie themes in this movie.
But this is really one of those good old fashioned 1970’s car chase movies. Not a lot of plot here, the chase is on from the first few minutes of the movie. And the chase sequences are very good. No CGI, no speeding up the film, just your basic “drive it like you stole it” stunt driving. Kowalski meets a few characters along the way to give us a chance to catch our breath, but the vast majority of this movie is the car and the chases.
If you’re a car guy, and your idea of a sweet ride is NOT something Japanese with a turbo and a coffee can exhaust, you’ll likely enjoy this movie despite it’s age. Yes, there are some hippie political undertones with Cleavon Little playing “Super Soul” the DJ who is trying to guide Kowalski to freedom and outsmart the man! And there are some really obnoxious flash back sequences that annoy us, but hey at least a couple of them had nudity! But this is simply one of the best chase movies of all time, and we give it 4 stars.
Popularity: 18% [?]
Over The Hedge
May 16, 2006 | Leave a Comment
Over The Hedge is a typical kids movie with cute little animals making jokes and acting like idiots. But we know we love this stuff so it’s all good. Shrek and Shrek 2 were two of the best kids movies ever, but OTH really gives them both a run for their money.
Speaking of money, when are getting ours back for Madagascar? But I digress…
Dreamworks has created a winner here in OTH and it pays out with amazing looking animals and a laugh out loud story, so I guess I can forgive them that one slip up with Madagascar. Ok, so I’m digressing again… Time for the meat of the review so listen up!
RJ the raccoon (Willis) is a con artist that tries to steal from a big scary BEAR (oooh, I’m shaking!). Naturally he succeeds but the bear wants his booty back or it’s gonna be RJ’s booty. Are you ready for the cliche’? Out comes the pack of cute little woodland creatures to help out RJ and save the day. There’s a super high squirrel, a self conscious skunk and a whiny turtle (Carell, Sykes and Shandling). RJ makes a list of the things he stole from Papa Bear during what seemed like an hour long commercial for everything from Pringles all the way to Doritos. By this point I was ready to dish out a two star review, but the climax really paid off and is easily worth three more stars. GO DREAMWORKS!
If your kids are bugging you to go see a movie and they’re too young for the PG-13 fare, take them to see Over The Hedge. Remember, though, that this is a big release from a bigtime studio and with schools letting out for the summer, so movie theaters are packing in the bacon. Get your tickets ahead of time, if possible, and be early to get a good seat. OTH will definitely entertain the whole family so go check it out.
Popularity: 19% [?]
Plan B
May 15, 2006 | Leave a Comment
I viewed this nasty, stinky piece of cheese several days before sitting down to write this review so I have had plenty of time to think about it. I wanted to take some time to make sure my initial feelings were correct and not just a knee jerk reaction. I’m sad to say that I haven’t changed my mind about anything, however. This is, without a doubt, the WORST movie I have ever seen.
I like Paul Sorvino; I always have. The biggest reason, however, is that he produced a VERY hot daughter (Mira). Ms. Keaton, though…not so much. I can’t, in fact, think of any movie she’s starred in that I really liked. So I really didn’t expect much out of this particular title. Even with the lowered expectations, however, I was floored by just how BAD this movie is. It tries to be a comedy with a mobster theme and it just isn’t funny. Not even a tiny bit.
Even worse, it tries DESPERATELY to get its gags over and that ends up annoying you to the point of wanting to firebomb the projection room. The jokes are beyond lame and the attempts at slapstick fail miserably. Even all the repeated injuries to Ms. Keaton have no satisfaction to them.
I’m not even going to bother with a plot outline. There’s just no point. Why would I describe in any detail a movie that I am trying to warn you away from? I will say it very explicitly: Do not watch this movie. Do not even buy it as a gift for someone you don’t like. They WILL hunt you down and make you pay for such an insult.
Popularity: 18% [?]
The West Wing Season 6
May 12, 2006 | Leave a Comment
If you don’t like The West Wing, then Season 6 isn’t going to change your mind, and if you are a fan you may or may not be pleased with the direction the show is taking this time around.
The Bartlet administration is nearing it’s end and it’s time to find a replacement. Josh thinks he has his man, Sen. Santos (Jimmy Smits) who would also happen to be the first Latino President if elected. He’s going up against Sen. Vinick (Alan Alda) though so it’s not going to be an easy fight. Don’t get too excited though, you won’t get the final outcome during this season.
What may also dampen your spirits is to know that Season 7 is the final one for The West Wing. So regardless of if the final winner is Alda or Smits, it just doesn’t matter.
Even so, the writing and acting in the show is just as good as it’s ever been, and they throw in numerous interesting situations that the characters have to muddle through. More than enough to make it interesting, and certainly worth watching if you’re a fan.
That begs a question though.. if you’re a fan, you’ve already seen this.. and if you’re not a fan, you don’t want to see it.. so who’s buying it? Obviously a fan that’s also a collector is the target audience and in that case it really doesn’t matter what I say about it, you’re just gonna buy it. With that said I’m still going to give it 4 stars. I personally like the show and think it’s worth watching. If nothing else it’s fun to have around the house when a close minded right-wing friend is over. When you want them to leave, just pop in one of these DVD’s and you’ll have the house to yourself.
Popularity: 19% [?]
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Gun Play
Blood & Gore Car Chases T&A Chuckles |
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