Accepted
January 30, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Accepted is yet another movie that I didn’t expect much from, but ended up liking anyway. Sure, it sticks pretty close to the formula you’d expect from a movie like this, but that’sok, it was amusing.
Justin Long plays Ferris…er.. Bartleby, a high school senior who’s excellent at talking his way out of trouble but never bothered to expend that same energy to get himself decent grades. As a result, every college he’s applied to has rejected him, even State. Apparently he’s never heard of community college and when his parents flip out upon discovery of his lack of acceptance he decides his best course of action is to create his own college. When he gets his acceptance letter his parents are quite proud and his dad just hands him a check for 10 grand to pay for tuition. Yeah, that would happen.
Bartleby’s plan was to lay low while working on a better plan but unfortunately his dad wants to drop him off for the first day of school. Time to spend some money!Bartleby and a few friends lease an old mental hospital and make it look like the school and get some “extras” to mill around like students. They actually pull this off (uh-huh) and things are looking good until a few hundred additional students show up. Seems the fake website that was put up to fool the parents managed to attract many underachievers with stupid parents willing to fork over 10K checks at the drop of a hat.
Anyway, Bartleby puts together a class schedule of sorts and the place starts to run like a typical art college. This is until the evil Ivy league school wannabe up the road decides they need the land for their own sinister uses. Yep, I left a lot out up to this point, but does it really matter?
Accepted is better than I expected, but it isn’t going to win any awards. The acting is as good as you’ll find in this type of movie and I really don’t have any complaints about it other than it being too predictable. I’m only giving it 3 stars, but it’s a strong 3 stars.
Popularity: 17% [?]
Idiocracy
January 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
In the very near future smart people, anyone with an IQ above 130, will stop breeding, and everyone with an IQ below 100 won’t. This is the setup for Mike Judge’s latest film and at times it’s funny as can be, but at others I just wanted it to end so I could go to sleep.
Anywhoo, the plot as thin as it is goes a little like this… Pvt. Joe Bauers (Wilson) is an average Army private with average intelligence, build, blood pressure and heart rate. In short Joe is Average, so the Army selects him for a new project designed to deep freeze a soldier until he is needed. Joe along with a hooker named Rita (Rudolph) are placed into hibernation chambers with the assurance that they will only be in there for a period of 1 year; of course things don’t work out that way and they wind up being frozen for 500 years (ignore the fact that’s there no power and you’ll be fine) and they wake up in a F’d up time in history.
It would seem we’d turned REALLY stupid over this period and idiots run everything around. Hospitals use a touch pad order system like a fast food restaurant, the best show on TV is a show called Ow my Nuts, and the presidential cabinet is recognized by the size and color of their bling.
I could go on but I would spoil what little of the plot there is, so I’ll head instead in the direction of *Why* I chose to give this movie 2 stars. I love Office Space so I really expected a lot from this movie, turns out I should have set my sights just a wee bit lower and who knows if I had I may have been giving it 3… Nah, crap is crap!
The jokes, when they hit are extremely funny, but the ones that miss, miss by a mile and you wish this POS would end. I’m not a fan of Luke Wilson or Shovel faced Rudolph, or even the 3rd stringer in this game of miss after miss Dax Shepard… why sugar coat it, I hated the cast about as much as any cast I’ve ever hated! That is not to say I didn’t laugh – Idiocracy has a few moments that will have you rolling in the floor and had this concept been a skit on SNL or Mad TV (with a different cast that is) it would have been friggin hysterical, but 84 minutes of it felt like an eternity.
If you’re a fan of Judge and you can watch movies in sections and not be disappointed when a scene goes south every 10 minutes, give Idiocracy a shot. I personally felt this film was actually the first step to making the vision Judge paints, a reality. I took an IQ test prior to seeing it and I was above 140, by the time it was over I had trouble opening a child proof bottle and I peed myself twice while trying to unzip my coat. Thanks a lot Mike Judge for creating a movie dumber than the title itself.
Popularity: 17% [?]
Smokin’ Aces
January 26, 2007 | Leave a Comment
The story for this one surrounds a snitch named Buddy ‘Aces’ Israel (Piven) and the band of shooters sent to catch, kill or protect him. Israel was a big time Vegas performer that becomes an even bigger time mobster… that is until he gets caught and flips over to the Feds to save his neck. This decision draws the attention of reputed mob boss Primo Sparazza – as he is the mobster Israel is flipping on – and he puts a $1,000,000 contract out on Aces.
The FBI overhears the call demanding Aces death and the delivery of Israel’s heart once the job is done. The FBI, Bounty Hunters, and ‘Every’ contract killer in the world head to Lake Tahoe to collect the cash or the man himself and all hell breaks loose.
On one side you have the Feds played by Agents Messner (Reynolds) and Carruthers (Liotta) led by deputy director (Garcia), that are supposed to travel to Lake Tahoe to escort Israel to LA to testify against Sparazza. In the middle you have Israel, his bodyguards, Ho’s, and Hotel security along with Bounty Hunters (Ben Affleck, Peter Berg, Martin Henderson) hired by attorney Rip Reed (Jason Bateman). And finally on the outside the hitmen – An international hitman that chewed his own fingers off to avoid finger-printing, 2 hot sista’s (Keys, Taraji Henson), a chameleon that can be anyone and disappear into thin air (Tommy Flanagan), and last but not least The Tremor brothers, 3 white supremacists that will kill anyone to get their quarry.
A film with a cast this strong has no choice but to be good and thanks to cool direction/cinematography and a cool story with a nice twist, it delivers everything an action movie needs. Humor, violence, carnage and a chainsaw up the butt – If any of that sounds cool to you this is the movie for you.
Popularity: 18% [?]
Thank You for Smoking
January 25, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Thank You for Smoking is a much smarter comedy than I expected, and it’s also not as preachy as I thought it would be. In fact, it’s not really preachy at all.
Nick Naylor (Aaron Eckhart) is the lead lobbyist for Big Tobacco and he loves his job. Born to argue, Nick is at his best when asked to defend the losing side of an argument and considering his job, he gets to do that a lot. For example, on a daytime talk show with himself, a teenager dying from cancer (who used to smoke), and a couple of other people from anti-smoking groups he manages to make the point that the anti-smokers would rather the teenager die so that he can be a statistic to be used against the tobacco companies, while Big Tobacco would rather keep a customer alive.
When a Senator introduces a bill to put a skull & crossbones graphic on each pack of cigarettes, it’s time for Nick to get to work. First up, he heads to Hollywood to make a deal for a few “good guy” characters to smoke on screen since recently it seems only the bad guys are lighting up their Camels. Next, it’s time to shut up the Marlboro Man who has recently been hitting the talk show circuit talking trash about tobacco since he’s dying of lung cancer.
In the midst of dealing with these issues, Nick is also trying to be a role model to his 12-yr old son. No, he doesn’t want him to smoke but he does want him to think critically about what he’s told. That’s the real message in this movie, to think about what you hear everyday and make your own decisions instead of just trusting *anyone* to always tell you the truth.
This is a very wordy movie, very wordy indeed. No explosions, no car chases, no T&A, but a lot of smart dialogue. Keep that in mind if you watch it.. if you’re a bit tired and cranking this puppy up at midnight, you might wake up with drool all over the leather. Head in with a clear head (or at least some coffee) and I think you’ll enjoy it.
On a side note, watching the deleted scenes will demonstrate how powerful the editor of a movie is. Had they left some of the later scenes as originally filmed I would have dropped at least 2 stars from the rating. As it is, it earns 4 stars for entertaining me, surprising me, and being much smarter than I expected.
Popularity: 18% [?]
Pan’s Labyrinth
January 21, 2007 | Leave a Comment
I didn’t think I’d live long enough to be able to describe a movie about a young girl and faerie creatures as being more sadistic than even Rob Zombie could stand. I was wrong. Pan’s Labyrinth is easily one of the most visually creative and well executed films I’ve seen in years and might also be the single most brutal and viciously violent one as well.
Director Guillermo del Toro chose for the movie’s setting the mountains of Spain during the mop-up operations of the Spanish Civil War. The year is 1944 and Capt. Vidal, a relentless officer in Franco’s fascist army is sent along with a few dozen troups to root out the last of the leftist rebels who are using the hills to hide in. Shortly after arriving, he sends for his sickly pregnant wife and her daughter, Ofelia, the movie’s main character played by talented newcomer Ivana Baquero. Ofelia’s father was formerly a tailor but he was killed in the war. Both she and her mother miss him terribly, but the realities and harshness of the world has led the mother to take another husband. She chose…poorly.
After arriving at the outpost, young Ofelia finds an ancient stone maze and soon thereafter she encounters faeries and a very menacing looking Faun that towers at least 7 feet high. From this point, I expected Ofelia to fall down the rabbit hole, so to speak, and spend the rest of the movie in the enchanted world of fey creatures. This is where I thought the “kids movie” would begin. Again…I was wrong.
The majority of the movie takes place in the “real” world and what a NASTY place it is! I *enjoy* watching the D-day landing scene from Saving Private Ryan so I’m not exactly squeamish. But I have to admit that some of the violence on the screen in this movie is very hard to watch. While most of it is related to the army and the rebels, there are also a couple of disturbing scenes in the fey world.
Way back in the day, fairy tales existed not to entertain kids, but to scare the bejeezus out of them and, in that sense, del Toro goes completely old school. If you’re stupid enough to take your kids to this one, don’t be surprised if you find them trying to slit their wrists shortly after you get them home. At the very least they’re gonna need some therapy. I’m sure that the Brothers Grimm would have been proud to claim this story as one of their own.
And when you break the film down into its essential pieces, everything is absolutely top notch: The acting, the direction, the cinematography, the casting, etc.. it’s all exceptional.
The criticisms I have are few and pretty small, but collectively they’re just enough to keep this one from that coveted 5th star. Firstly, the movie runs too long. Even though it is only 112 minutes, I found myself checking my watch a couple of times. Also, the fact that it is in spanish with english subtitles was a tad annoying, but not as much as I was expecting. And, lastly, Maribel Verdu remained fully clothed through the entire movie. For anyone who saw Y Tu Mama Tambien will realize what a true shame this is.
After all is said and done, however, I have to wonder just who the target audience for this movie is. It’s definitely NOT a kids movie, but yet the movie’s essense contains all the fantasy elements that kids love and adults generally don’t care for. I guess to appreciate all the elements of this one you’d have to be pretty artsy and pretentious…or just twisted and demented. Since I liked the movie enough to give it 4 stars, I must be in the latter category.
Popularity: 16% [?]
Lady in the Water
January 20, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Well, I’ll give M. Night one thing. He’s a brave, brave man. After being skewered 6 ways to Sunday for “The Vi..” Um.. the movie-we-do-not-speak-of, he decided that his next project should be a pure fairy tale set in what could be the least magical place on earth: modern day Philadelphia.
Lady in the Water is based on a bedtime story that M. Night wrote for his own kids and he apparently liked it so much, he decided to make it into a movie. Despite my extensive reservations about the wisdom of such a project, I’m happy to report that he has bounced back into my good graces with this funny, creepy, mysterious, funny, allegorical, and funny fairy tale. (Did I mention it was funny?)
The basic story is pretty simple – A young girl (Howard) who lives in “the blue world” (the ocean) has been brought into the realm of man (a run-down apartment complex in Philadelphia) for something very important. While here, she hides herself by creating an aquatic room underneath the complex’s pool. The super (Giamatti) eventually discovers her and it is from here that the tale really starts to unfold and a dangerous creature begins to make its presense known.
Many other tenants are brought into the mix and they all respond as if they know that fate has them in the right place at the right time and that they must do their part to help the girl. Now, it might strike you as odd that every single character in the film fully accepts that this girl is of a supernatural origin with no real evidence of such, but like I said, this is a fairy tale so don’t dwell on this point and you’ll be just fine.
By far the most surprising thing about Lady in the Water is its humor. The nearly two hour runtime is chock full of some gut-busting moments which more than balance out the drama, the tension and the “gotcha” moments usually reserved for true horror flicks.
The cinematography is a bit unsettling in the way it films things at angles that are slightly off kilter and with a borderline wide-angle “fish eye” lens at times, but this really helps establish that the people living in this complex are just a bit different from you and I.
And speaking of these apartment dwellers, M. Night really outdid himself writing the parts for these and the casting for the roles was just outstanding. One I have to specifically mention is Farber (Balaban), a dried up nerd of a movie reviewer. His wry comments about movies in general as well as his unwittingly appropo comments about this evolving fairy tale that he is obliviously a part of are just priceless. And for you f/x lovers, there’s enough special effect scenes to keep you happy as well. There won’t be any academy award nominations for the special effects, but they are more than adequate for the story.
On the downside, the background legend that is the basis for this fairy tale is never fully fleshed out. We get bits and pieces revealed to us during the movie, but we never get all the pieces together. As a result, I predict a lot of moviegoers will leave the theater with not just a feeling of happiness, but also a bit of confusion.
All in all, however, it’s a really grand movie and I’d recommend you see it soon.
Popularity: 18% [?]
Immortal (ad vitam)
January 18, 2007 | Leave a Comment
There are two ways to review Immortal (ad vitam). One way would be to look deeply at the story and examine the allegories between it and our present day society. The other way would be to look at it as some basic sci-fi with some interesting, if inconsistent, visual effects. Guess which way I’m going?
The year is 2095 and there’s a pyramid hovering above New York City. Inside are the gods Anubis, Bastet and Horus (along with some others who never get out of their crypts) but the star of this show is Horus, who has 7 days to find a mate and extend his immortality (don’t think about that, it’ll annoy you.) Meanwhile on the surface a girl with blue hair and white skin named Jill has just been picked up by Eugenics, the company that’s basically running New York City now. Turn out she’s not quite human but she’s becoming more human every day.
Horus has the form of a man with a bird head and can turn into a large bird in order to fly. Fortunately he can also take over a host body in order to move amongst the people.. and to do the nasty with Jill. He can also shootfreakin lasers out of his eyes. Horus eventually finds the host he wants (Nikopol ), takes him over in a symbiotic relationship and goes on the prowl for Jill. I’m leaving a lot out of the story here, but it’s not going to sway you one way on the other on if you want to see this movie. You’ve got a Egyptian god come back to Earth looking for a booty call, and he can shootfreakin lasers out of his eyes. That sentence alone should tell you if this is a movie you want to see or not.
The visual effects are spotty. The scenes in the city with flying cars are very well done for a low budget movie, while the animated scenes in the pyramid are horrible even ifBastet has nice boobs. Other purely digital characters look OK, but aren’t as smooth as a good video game can achieve these days. That’s less a knock on the movie and more a statement on how good games have gotten. While the consistency in the effects leaves a lot to be desired, the overall effect is excellent. Sure, you’ll never suspend disbelief when watching this movie but that doesn’t matter due to the interesting story and solid acting.
Immortal (ad vitam) is a weird movie, but I recommend any science fiction fans to pick this one up. Oh, did I mention Jill has blue nipples? There, another sentence that should tell you if you want to see this movie or not.
Popularity: 20% [?]
The Illusionist
January 16, 2007 | Leave a Comment
The Illusionist is a love story, and I’m still giving it 4 stars. Let me explain…
Edward Norton plays Eisenheim, an accomplished magician in Vienna at the turn of the century. He learned his craft traveling “to the ends of the earth”, putting in some Eastern philosophy and other ideas into his act. Legend has it that he was first introduced to magic by a traveling magician when he was but a wee lad and soon learned he had a knack for figuring out ways to make people see what he wanted them to see. As he grew into a teenager he became friends, and a little more, with a girl far above his social standing. This is a forbidden love affair and forces eventually rip them apart and is what sendsEisenheim on his travels.
After 10 or so years have past, Eisenheim returns to Vienna and puts on one hell of a show. It gets such rave reviews that the Crown Prince decides to go see what all the commotion is about and brings along his bride to be… Sophie, the girl fromEisenheim’s past. During the show when Eisenheim asks for a volunteer from the audience “who isn’t afraid of death”, the Prince volunteers Sophie. Eisenheim recognizes Sophie immediately but she’s still in the dark about his identity, but not for long. Once they’ve established who they are and we get a little more drama added by learning that the Prince tends to be abusive towards women, we have the perfect setup for a getaway.
Enter Chief Inspector Uhl (the always excellent Paul Giamatti) who keeps an eye on Sophie for the Prince, and who also has a bit of a taste for magic. Eisenheim puts together a plan to sneak Sophie out of Vienna so that they may run off together and live happily ever after, but Uhl figures it out and tells the Prince. Of course, the Prince isn’t pleased to learn of the deception and things take a sour note.
Past this point comes a brilliantly formed plan by Eisenheim to show his displeasure with the Prince, and the process gets Uhl wrapped up in it far more then he would have liked. I can’t really speak of the story much more or I’ll risk giving too much away, but it’s all verysatisfying to watch unfold.
Yes, this is a love story, a classic tale of forbidden love where the lovers struggle to find a way to be together and damned be the consequences. Normally even a really good story like this would only get a 3 from me, but the acting and storytelling is so well done I think it deserves an extra star. Edward Norton is a first rate actor and PaulGiamatti continues to impress me with his skills. At this point I’d see anything either of these two starred in just to see them work their craft.
I highly recommend this movie on date night, you will most certainly get lucky. And if you don’t have anyone to get lucky with, give this one a shot anyway and enjoy some fine storytelling.
Popularity: 19% [?]
Slither
January 15, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Slither is by no means a good movie. But who says a movie has to be good to be fun? Director and writer James Gunn must be a big fan of the old Troma Studios movies (The Toxic Avenger, et al…) since Slither looks and feels just like a big-budget version of a Troma splatter-fest.
The movie opens with a meteor hurtling towards (where else?) Earth. After the impact near the sleepy hick town of Wheelsy, we are treated to several old monster-movie maxims: alien slugs, zombies, mind control, humans as incubators, and more. The locals respond as most as everyone does in these type movies – they die. But a spunky few manage to survive the initial onslaught and work to find a way to combat the aliens. Sound familiar? It should!
With a budget of only $15 million, the special effects aren’t exactly mind-blowing. But they are certainly better than your typical ‘B’ movie. The casting is quite good, but not because they’re great actors. They’re not. Not even close. No, the casting is good because the actors all know that everything they do here is done with an invisible nod and wink at the camera. Nobody working on this project, from the producers all the way down to the extras, makes any pretense of taking themselves seriously. They had an absolute BLAST with this movie and that enthusiasm shows through and helps carry us along from absurd scene to absurd scene. The one liners are plentiful and everyone has their own very well developed sense of style. The only thing that could have made this even more fun was a cameo by Bruce Campbell.
There are several good “gotcha” moments that are guaranteed to make the girl you’re with jump right in your lap. And the laughs come in a steady stream. But…a good movie? Heck, no. But it’s a real hoot!
Popularity: 16% [?]
Jackass: Number Two
January 11, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Jackass: Number Two is the second feature film release from Johnny Knoxville and the boys. And there are multiple scenes in the movie that will let you know that it wasn’t named “number two” solely because it is the second Jackass movie.
If you do not know what Jackass is, chances are you’re not going to like it. But for the unitiated here’s the deal. Johnny Knoxville and his cast of misfit friends do short skits of them pulling pranks on unsuspecting people including each other interspersed with stunts that few sober men would dare even think of let alone attempt. These are the type of guys who watch Wile E. Coyote and go “I THINK I COULD DO THAT!”.
If you saw the original Jackass movie or the TV show you know what to expect. Let’s face it, seeing someone else in pain because they did something stupid is funny. We’re talking shots to the groin, leechs on the eyeball, beer enemas, shaving your pubes and making a fake beard for your friend without telling him where you got the hair, etc. Now if you’re sitting there and thinking how childish and stupid that is without grinning at the prospect, Jackass is not for you.
For us, we think naked midgets are a riot, and we howled the whole length of the movie. Jackass: Number Two seems to have had a larger budget and they definitely went further than in the first movie. If you’re already a fan, go see it. If you’re not a fan but have ever found yourself rolling on the ground laughing after one of your stupid redneck friends said “hey yall, watch this” and then hurt himself really badly, then you too should become a Jackass fan.
Popularity: 18% [?]
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