Whelp, it’s been 9 years
December 31, 2007 | 1 Comment
I can’t remember what exact review did it, but back in 1998 we read something that Ebert wrote and got pissed off. It wasn’t his opinion that was so bad (though I recall it did suck) but in his review he gave away key plot elements.. nothing annoys us more than a reviewer giving away spoilers.
After an evening of ranting about it we came up with the idea to do our own site, one that would cater to things we liked and one that would never ever spoil a movie for someone. Thus, MoviesForGuys was born.
Have you been around since the beginning? Do you remember the original look? Ahh.. the good old days, when .shtml was cutting edge for the web. Lookie! An include!
The site has gone through a few revisions since then but our goal has never changed, to provide you with (somewhat) timely reviews that tell you what you need to know without spoiling anything for you.
I just wanted to take a moment to say thanks to all of you, our readers, without who this site would be kinda pointless.
So Happy New Year, and get ready for a few more changes as we celebrate our 10th year. More reviews, more giveaways, more crap to crash the server! 
Popularity: 20% [?]
Free Movie Monday: Year End Edition
December 31, 2007 | 7 Comments
The year has come to a close, and we still have plenty of titles in the prize library. Let’s see if we can get one of them to go away today, shall we?
A few new titles have been added since last week, so go take a look and if you spot something you want just give a shout out in the comments.
It’d be hard to make a giveaway much easier than this ya know..
Popularity: 19% [?]
Super Comet: After the Impact
December 30, 2007 | Leave a Comment
I’m a sucker for armageddon stuff. And I’m a sucker for anything related to outer space. So imagine my glee when I got to see Super Comet: After the Impact! I was really wanting to see this particular documentary on the subject since it dealt primarily with the aftermath of a mega-impact and how the planet might start to recover (as opposed to the pre-impact hoopla and immediate impact effects as covered by so many other specials).
In that respect, this program delivers. You do get a small bit of pre-impact buildup and some immediate impact projections, but this was not something I minded. You need to give viewers a frame of reference for the meat of your material. In this case, some of the impact effects were covered in detail that I hadn’t previously seen; kudos for that! And when the program really gets going, it definitely delivers on the long-term after-effects that the planet (and humanity) will have to endure for survival. Also included, however, are the “dramatic” stories of several fictitious people. I really just did NOT care for this aspect of the program at all.
When I’m watching a program for hard-science, I don’t like for my time to be wasted with the poorly manufactured stories of people enduring the horrors that you’ve been hearing about in detail in a previous scene. If I want end-of-the-world drama, I’ll pop in a DVD of Deep Impact or Armageddon instead. In this case, though, I want facts, simulated results, and detailed observations. Inserting all this human interest stuff was good for a 2 star drop in my rating. I drop it 1 star just for it being there and then 1 more star for the science material that had to remain on the cutting room floor in order to for this melo-drama crap to be fit in.
In short, if you’re into the science, there’s good stuff here. Just be prepared to wade through the bad drama scenes to get to it.
Popularity: 24% [?]
Smiley Face
December 30, 2007 | 2 Comments
Bad movies are, many times, fun to write about. You can get a rant going and the words just flow right off the fingertips like bile out of your gall bladder. But that isn’t the case with all bad movies. Comedies, specifically, are just painful to write about when they suck. Comedies don’t rely on acting, cinematography, continuity, special effects, or any of the other things that movies need. No, all a comedy needs is a funny script and actors with good comic timing. And when those elements are missing, the result is something that is more lame than awful.
Such is the case with Smiley Face. I must confess that I had at least some hope for this one. The cast was a pretty solid one and the “buzz” on the movie seemed legit. But, no. It just sucked. Only one movie has ever been so bad that I quit watching it before it was over but this one came really close to that point. Some nugget of journalistic integrity, however, guilted me into enduring this one until the end.
The details, if you really want them, are as follows: Jane (Anna Faris) is a pothead. She has things to do one day which include making it to an acting audition, paying the power bill, and buying more pot. That’s pretty much it. As you might have guessed, however, things go wrong. For starters, she accidentally (probably for the first time in her life) gets explosively high. Some other things then get added to that list of things to do but it really doesn’t matter by this point. Jane stays high for the entire duration of the movie. When in this state, she is unable to do anything right and thus, I’m sure, is where the writer and director thought all the comedy would pour forth from. Somebody should have told the people in charge that a girl acting high and screwing things up is NOT automatically funny.
You have to get imaginative with the gags. And it would help if the main character wasn’t alone most of the time acting and pratfalling in a vacuum.  Another helpful hint would be that characters wanting to get high are much funnier than characters who are already high. Harold and Kumar go to White Castle, for instance, followed all these tips and it was a FANTASTIC movie.
Unless death is your only other choice, JUST SAY NO to this pile o’ cinematic road apples. Hell, I might even consider a slight maiming rather than submit to wasting another 85+ minutes of my life on crap like this.  I think now I’ll go watch a Cheech & Chong marathon to see if I can get the taste of this one out of my mouth.
Popularity: 24% [?]
Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem
December 28, 2007 | 5 Comments
My god…what did I just watch? I loved both Predator and Predator II. Alien was great and its sequel, Aliens, is in my top 10 all time favorites list. I didn’t expect this to be great, but I had hoped it wouldn’t be an embarrassment to either series. Whoops.
Where to start? How about the end. When the credits roll at the end of Aliens vs. Predator: Requiem, we see in big and bold stylized letters that it was directed by “The Brothers Strause”. Obviously, they must be proud of their work. I have no idea why, however. The only things “The Brothers Strause” ever directed before being handed this project were music videos and short features…and BOY does it show. They’ve produced nearly 90 minutes of pure amateur-hour cinema and cleverly managed to get a lot of people to shell out $10 each to see it.
The Strause boys *do* have a lot of experience with visual effects, however, and that aspect of AVP:R is at least reasonably tolerable. There won’t be any Oscars coming their way, but the effects could certainly have been worse. No, the problem lies elsewhere. Make that EVERYwhere else. I don’t think I’m exaggerating much when I say that you can find almost every old sci-fi / action / horror cliche’ here. But it doesn’t stop there. Apparently the Strause boys figured that cliche’s just weren’t good enough…so they decided to mix things up by making sure that several characters got killed unexpectedly. No part of the story was advanced by these killings, mind you, they were just random deaths. Oh, and lets not forget all the logic holes that you could drive a truck through. I can check my brain at the door like anyone else, but I do at least ask that you don’t insult my intelligence every five minutes.
No, this is not a rejuvenation of an old franchise. It’s not a pleasant stroll down memory lane. Hell, it’s not even a decent way to spend 86 minutes of your life. It’s just simply 2 very weak star movie…and nothing more.
Popularity: 40% [?]
Robin-B-Hood
December 24, 2007 | Leave a Comment
There comes a point in the career of an action star where he feels the need to do something more family oriented, usually involving a baby in some manner. Arnold did it, Vin did it and now, Jackie has done it. I really wish none of them had.
This time around Jackie plays the role of a bad guy, a compulsive gambler who steals to keep his habit going. He and his two partners aren’t above stealing anything, from shark fins to cash, whatever it takes to make a payday. Early onFong (Jackie) shows he’s really a good guy when he risks his life to save a baby during a robbery of a hospital pharmacy. After the rescue Octopus (Louis Koo) andFong go about their normal thievery and the movie takes a detour to introduce us to the family lives of the main characters. I won’t do the same.
After Landlord (Michael Hui, and the third member and leader of the crew) is robbed himself, he accepts a new type of job, one that’s worth $7 million dollars. Since all of them need the cash, Octopus andFong say yes without even knowing what the job is.. and it turns out to be a kidnapping. Not an “evil” kidnapping though as they are just stealing the baby from his parents and giving him to his grandfather. I’m skipping some details of course. As fate would have it, this is the same babyFong rescued back in the hospital.. ahh.. fate, the best movie cliche of all.
What follows is the typical segment where Octopus and Fong go from hapless men who don’t want anything to do with the baby to loving caretakers who will do anything to protect it. An amazing transformation considering it happens over a couple of days. There’s also a new love interest thrown in, and more family details forFong. Robin-B-Hood really does try to hit every page in the lets-soften-the-action-star playbook.
This is a Jackie Chan movie though, and you’re only watching for the stunts and action sequences. I’m happy to report you won’t be disappointed, as Jackie shows once again that he’s nuts. Would you scale down a 10 story building by jumping between air conditioning units without a safety wire? How about a simple slide down a marble stair railing that’s 3 stories tall, with just some mattresses to break your fall if you screw up? Nuts. The fights aren’t his best work (he is getting a bit older ya know) but it’s still entertaining.
In the end Robin-B-Hood is mildly entertaining, really only suitable if you’re looking for a date movie with your wife and are ready to have a baby, cause she’s gonna want one after watching the one featured here. I’ll give it an average rating of 3 stars, but barely.
Popularity: 24% [?]
Free Movie Monday: Christmas Eve Edition!
December 24, 2007 | 3 Comments
I don’t expect many of you to be online today as only a fool would be sitting at the office typing on a computer… er… wait…
Anyway, for the few of us who are online today I present the Christmas Eve edition of Free Movie Monday! Nothing special about this one other than the fact that you likely have zero competition for the title you want, so post away if you see something you like.
Check the prize library for the latest list of titles.
Popularity: 19% [?]
The Last Legion
December 23, 2007 | Leave a Comment
What if Excalibur, the sword made famous by King Arthur, was originally created for Julius Caesar? That’s the “hook” for The Last Legion, though it doesn’t play that big of a role in the movie.
As Romulus Augustus became Caesar at the ripe old age of twelve, Rome fell to the Gauls and he’s captured. Just as he’s about to be sentenced to death, his teacher Ambrosinus (who likes to do magic tricks) arrives to make the case for his life. He succeeds, but is sentenced to life imprisonment on Capri. The leader of Caesars personal guard survived the invasion and together with a bodyguard from the Byzantine Empire (the beautiful Aishwarya Rai) he puts his team back together and heads to Capri to free Caesar and take back Rome.
OK, they don’t plan to recapture Rome by themselves, they plan to travel to Britannia to meet up with the last Roman legion thought to be loyal to Caesar (of course, what chance does one legion have against the rest of the Roman army, but don’t overthink this too much). Ambrosinus is also more than just a simple teacher, he’s was once a warrior who had been pursuing the legendary sword of Julius Caesar, said to make the bearer invincible in battle.
Enough detail, what matters is that this is a decent action romp through Roman times with just a touch of the legend of King Arthur. The fight scenes are fun to watch, the magic tricks Ambrosinus does are amusing, and the story and characters are entertaining. Is this a great movie? No, but it was fun. More fun than I expected it to be actually. Even so, it’s just average and I have no desire to watch it again, so I’m giving it three stars. Do add it to your Netflix queue though, I think you’ll have a good time watching it.
Popularity: 23% [?]
Hatchet
December 23, 2007 | Leave a Comment
Hatchet is executed so damn well I wish I could give it a sixth star. Writer/Director Adam Green is a fan of old school slasher flicks (Friday the 13th, Halloween, etc) and has an appropriate distaste for the new wave of PG-13 horror movies. For his take on the genre he stayed true to his passion and made a movie with absolutely zero CGI, buckets and buckets of blood, and more boobies than you can shake a neck-full of beads at.
The movie starts off with a father and son gator hunting in the swamplands near New Orleans, but while there are alligators in the area they aren’t what’s really dangerous. After this duo is dispatched, we switch over to young ladies who like to show their boobs for beads, gotta love Mardi Gras. Here we meet Ben (Joel Moore) and Marcus (Deon Richmond) who are in New Orleans to enjoy the nightlife and the lovely sites. Well, Marcus is, Ben is trying to get over his recent breakup with his longtime girlfriend. Even the site of many many topless babes can’t cheer Ben up, so he decides to break from the group and go on a haunted swamp tour instead. Being the good friend, Marcus goes with him while complaining the entire time (as he should!)
They finally find a tour operator to take them into the swamp (along with a Canadian couple, a lone babe with her own reasons for going, and a porn producer with a couple hotties, one of which plays the part of the dumb blond to perfection) where things obviously don’t go as planned. The boat goes into a closed part of the swamp, wrecks, and our cast has to walk out of the swamp while being pursued by Victor Crowley.. the ghost(?) of a deformed child who was accidentally killed by his father, but still managed to grow up to terrorize people who get near his home. The movie tries to explain this, but there’s really no reason to, just go with the fact that Crowley is big, strong, deformed and apparently impossible to kill. Perfect!
The members of the tour get picked off quickly, and in very inventive ways. These are some of the best slasher death scenes I’ve seen in the last decade. Everything from getting split like a side of beef, to getting your head pulled apart.. it’s fantastic! What makes it so much fun is that it’s obviously done using latex effects and good camera work, no computers were harmed in the making of this movie. I’ve already mentioned they used buckets of blood, sometimes you could even tell they were throwing blood on a tree with a bucket, heh. That’s not a complaint at all, it added to the humor/horror effect that the movie was after and put a huge smile on my face.
One surprise was how good the acting was. The comic timing was dead on, and when they were supposed to be scared it came off as if they really were. A look at the bonus features on the DVD gave the answer to how that was done, Adam didn’t let the actors see what Crowley looked like until he jumped out at them while shooting, so the startled reaction he got was quite real. Brilliant!
Hatchet struck just the right chord with me, the attention to lighting (how is it that the swamp is so well lit at night?), the excuse to get girls naked (Mardi Gras, porn), the amusing older couple (Canadians, eh?) to the unstoppable Victor Crowley.. it’s awesome movie making, and worth every star I can possibly give it.
Popularity: 23% [?]
Sweeney Todd
December 21, 2007 | 3 Comments
SWEENEY TODD: THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREETÂ is Tim Burton’s movie version of the 1979 Stephen Sondheim musical, which in turn is based on a 1973 play by Christopher Bond, which in turn was inspired by various fictional tales from the mid-1800s. For the record, it isn’t based on any real historical figure.
The only thing I knew about the musical was from the underrated Kevin Smith movie JERSEY GIRL, where the little girl does a number from SWEENEY TODD for her school’s talent show, when all the other little girls are doing numbers from CATS.
In this movie version, Johnny Depp plays Sweeney Todd, a barber turned serial killer who cuts throats with a straight razor, then his landlady Mrs. Lovett (Helena Bonham Carter) bakes the victims into meat pies.
Well, if that’s not enough to make you burst into song, what is?
Alan Rickman plays the judge who inspires Sweeney Todd to seek revenge for what was done to his wife and daughter.
Sacha Baron Cohen (Borat) is hilarious as a rival barber.
There’s some uncredited cameos. Anthony Stewart Head from BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER is in there if you look fast.
This is a weird, bloody musical, and it’s not a romp like, for example, LITTLE SHOP OF HORRORS. It’s darkly funny, but grim, and bloody, bloody, bloody.
The musical works, although it walks a fine line above ridiculous with its geysers of blood.
I’m reminded of SPINAL TAP’s rock opera about Jack the Ripper:
“You’re a naughty one, Saucy Jack/
Saucy Jack, you’re a haughty one.”
This is Tim Burton’s third macabre musical, but the other two were stop-animated (THE NIGHTMARE BEFORE CHRISTMAS and THE CORPSE BRIDE).
It comes off like a Charles Dickens novel meets a Grindhouse movie turned into a musical.
And that just makes me want…to…sing!
Popularity: 34% [?]
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