Alien Siege

December 2, 2007

Rated: Unrated Runtime: 89 min Rating: 1 out of 5 stars

Silly stories and bad acting are things we have to put up with as reviewers, and sometimes they don’t get in the way of telling a reasonable story and/or entertaining us for awhile. But when you mix those things in with inconsistencies and just plain bad film making, you’ve ruined any chance you might have had at a decent review.

aliensiege.jpgI’m 15 minutes into the DVD of Alien Siege and I had to hit pause to write this down and give my brain a break. What’s so bad? Pull up a chair…

The movie starts off with a montage of people and soldiers fighting and we learn that an alien race has come to Earth because they need our blood to survive. They aren’t vampires or anything, they just need our juices to make a serum to cure them of some disease. And they don’t need all of us, just 8 million. We learn that the nations of Earth have agreed to these terms due to the overwhelming firepower the aliens have, and that the U.S. share is 800,000 people. While some nations emptied out their prisons to fulfill their requirements (smart thinking!), we asked for volunteers… but only 650,000 people came forward. That leaves us short by 300,000 people, so the government started a national lottery to see who would have to be killed. Did my math bother you? It’s not mine, those numbers are from the opening of the movie! ACK! Public schools strike again!

OK, so we know mathematics wasn’t a strong point of the filmmakers, how about common sense. Dad picks up daughter at her work, telling her she needs to come with him right now but doesn’t tell her why. She agrees (and he gives her time to change clothes so it can’t be that big of a deal, right?) but keeps asking why why WHY!? Since the girl won’t get in the car without knowing he lets her know she’s been selected by lottery to jump in the juicer but that he won’t let it happen.Yada yada yada . They’re leaving town and he gets a flat tire, he jumps out to check it telling her to stay in the car (naturally she immediately opens the door and gets out) when he notices a Chevy Suburban with soldiers coming up the STRAIGHT road about 200 feet behind them. He tells her to run to the woods and hide, and don’t come out no matter what. So, she trots up a hillside in waist tall grass IN PLAIN SIGHT OF THE ROAD and crouches down about 50 feet away, way way way far from the woods. Of course the soldiers hop out of their vehicle and ask him where his daughter is. Apparently Army training didn’t teach these guys much since SHE WAS IN PLAIN SIGHT THE ENTIRE TIME. Sheesh.

One more and I’ll stop. Steven (the dad) is shown trotting out of his house to get in his truck while his neighbor and coworker Bill comes up to talk with him. “Move your car Bill, I’m in a hurry” says Steven. Some inane dialogue between these two when Steven says “I don’t care, move your car”. They talk some more giving us a few plot points about some inert material, a research facility and some lab they were working in. Steven has a heartfelt handshake with Bill, and drives off. Wait… wasn’t Bill supposed to move his car?! ARGH!

I’m at the 15:52 mark of this movie and I don’t know if I’m gonna make it.

45 minutes in, and it’s not getting any better. As a side note, the constant voice dubbing over actors who apparently mumbled their dialogue is also driving me nuts.

It’s over. I made it, do I get a medal? The movie didn’t improve in the slightest, with more stupidity and inane dialogue causing me to roll my eyes so many times I had to take a Tylenol.

I’m done ranting. Does this movie have any saving grace? Not really, the effects are what you’d expect from a weekly SciFi channel movie, and there wasn’t even any real humor to make it worth the time. There was a fair amount of blood and even a head shot or two in the many gunfights. Not the worst movie I’ve ever seen, but you’d have to pay me to watch it again.

Posted by John | Filed Under 1 Stars, Brad Johnson, Carl Weathers, DVD, Erin Ross, Lilas Lane, Nathan Anderson, SciFi, Unrated 

Seen it? How many stars do you give it?

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Comments

One Response to “Alien Siege”

  1. John on December 15th, 2007 4:50 pm

    I removed the original as spam so people aren’t gonna get that comment.. but then, most people wouldn’t have anyway. :)

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