All Babes Want to Kill Me

February 26, 2005

Rated: PG-13 Runtime: 82 min Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Easily one of the most unusual kung-fu movies I’ve ever seen, and ranks up there with Kung Pow: Enter the Fist for campy, over the top fun.

All Babes Want to Kill Me How unusual is it? How’s this for a storyline. As a young boy, Vatchel Cho (writer/director Colin Miller) was under a lot of stress. As part of his Karate training he and his 2 brothers were whacked in the groin by their trainer… who happened to be their father. This was all to help make them strong men, worthy of the Cho Dynasty. Things don’t get any better for Vatchel when he learns he’s a bastard child, and he begins to relive his stress by eating paint chips.

OK, so who didn’t?

In his case though, he developed Mercritis… a disease that men catch from eating paint chips, which causes women to have an irresistible urge to do them physical harm. I always thought that was caused by pocket protectors. Some reviews will claim that this is a real disease. I call bull***t. No way, no how is this real. But, it does make for a great story!

Destined to a shame filled life of being a single bastard, Vatchel is banished to the desert for the rest of his years. Fortunately for him there are Indians living in the area who like to fight him daily, helping him to keep his martial arts skills up to par.

All is not well at the Cho household though, with one brother (Ling) growing up with no ambition (and who happens to be flamboyantly homosexual) and the other (Shang) growing up as a weasel, just out to get his fathers money. With good ol dad on his death bed, Shang decides to hedge his bets and tricks Vatchel into leaving the desert in search of true love, hoping Vatchel gets killed of course.

And this is only the first part of the movie.

In addition to Vatchels quest for true love, there is also the family dynasty to defend, and this is one of the best parts of the movie. The three brothers must face some rather unusual challenges from some unusual foes. I really can’t say more without spoiling it but trust me, it’s really really funny stuff.

All Babes Want to Kill me is destined to become a cult classic, much like The Toxic Avenger from Troma Studios. This one will have fans for the rest of time. The biggest difference I can see is that the Colin Miller shows talent far beyond the making of a cult classic and I think we can count on him creating more really good movies in the future.

Posted by John | Filed Under 4 Stars, Action, Alex Cain, Colin Miller, Comedy, Gianni Lazuli, John F. Schaffer, Michael Yama, PG-13, Theatrical