Bless The Child

December 9, 2004

Rated: R Runtime: 110 min Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Finally, the review you’ve all been waiting for. At least that’s the spin P. T. Barnum would put on this because honestly, I doubt people will be standing in long lines to see this one. What you might think of this movie I’ll sum up thusly: if you believe in God or you find the subject interesting, you may, emphasis on may, enjoy this movie. However, if such thoughts don’t appeal to you and you’re just looking for a good thriller movie then believe me I seriously doubt you will get much entertainment value out of this movie. If you number among the latter group and have to take a date then this is definitely a GameBoy or Ex-Lax movie.

Bless The Child

Whether we admit it or not we all carry certain biases into various experiences, and for our forum it’s obviously movies. So having said that I’m going to shed my biases to give a more accurate review of the flick. I was probably being generous when during the movie I blamed some of the slowness of it on my full bladder. Upon further review I have determined I could still enjoy a truly good movie whether in pain or relieved and sitting in urine, so therefore, it was the movie.

The first 15 minutes almost banished this movie from the Movies For Guys list. Why? I can handle a very limited dose of mush without vomiting in order to get in a review, but for me when a movie starts oozing feelings of maternal instinct (that’s right, not the good fraternal/daddy kind) then it’s time I start getting cramps, erï¿½I mean the runs, dang it, (see what I mean?) and head for the exit.

Kim Basinger adopts a baby that unforeseen to her is some sort of Chosen One (hmmï¿½I missed that one when I did that paper on Revelations, but whatever, it’s a movie). That’s all fine and dandy to Kim, but she doesn’t get caught up in all of that until the girl is taken away from her by the girl’s mother and her new hubby who have devious intentions. Jimmy Smits meanwhile is investigating a series of child homicides that he links to a cult with satanic beliefs. Smits and Basinger team up to rescue the girl from suffering the same fate as Anakin Skywalker. They then join forces with an army of nuns and New York’s finest to save the day, with God’s help of course. Have I given away too much? Like you’re going to see it anyway.

The movie is predictable, the effects are serviceable at best, and if it weren’t for Smits and the little girl (Holliston Coleman) the acting would be terrible. As usual, Kim Basinger gets the usual Movies For Guys nod of approval for looking so good, but that’s all she contributed to the film.

This film may spark some interesting discussions among folks, particularly in Northern Ireland, but it won’t be about how good the movie is. Depending on your point of view the movie may be refreshing because it doesn’t mince words in offering a particular God vs. Satan, good vs. evil worldview in the story. But as far as the quality of the movie you should save your money and wait for the rental if you want to see it. Seeing the movie on a tv won’t take anything away from it, and if you like you can have a good conversation starter for much cheaper than buying tickets.

Posted by Steve Payne | Filed Under 2 Stars, Angela Bettis, Holliston Colemanl, Horror, Jimmy Smits, Kim Basinger, R, Rufus Sewel, Theatrical