Sunday, March 06, 2005

Top 10 Theater Annoyances

Going to a movie used to be a special experience. We live with a generation now that has been brought up to use movies as time killers and baby sitters. They see any number of movies on cable/satellite and DVD during the middle of the week. So seeing another on the weekend at the local megaplex is no big deal, they behave just as inconsiderately as they would in their own living room.

These people are a menace to those of us who would like to go enjoy a film as it was meant to be seen on the big screen in peace and quiet. Here are my top 10 annoyances:

10. Seat kickers -- yes, i can feel it when you bump the back of my seat. So knock it off!

9. Enjoying the movie TOO much -- If you're screaming and no one else is or you're laughing alone, you might wanna get

8. No respect for buffer zones -- I got to the theater early so I could have a seat in the middle and in just the right row. If you want similar seating, you should show up early too. And no, unless it's a sell out, you are not welcome to sit in the empty sea nxt to me. There is an exception to this...if you're a hottie with big boobs, bring it.

7. Rattling bags -- Ok, we know you came to graze, we figured that out when we saw the bladder buster sized coke. But couldn't you have gotten a nice quiet tub of popcorn instead of that 3 pound bag of butter fingers that rattles everytime you scoop up another handful?

6. Kids running up and down the aisles -- Is it nervous energy? Bladders the size of peanuts? Or what? But if there are kids under 14 in the audience it seems they're going to run up and downt he steps throughout the movie.

5. The talkers -- These come in all shapes and sizes, but they each just cannot shut up and watch the movie.

4. The narrator -- This is a special form of the talker. Not only can they not be quiet thru the movie, they are particularly fond of sharing their discoveries about the movie as it happens no matter how obvious it is to the rest of us.

3. The ringing cellphone -- if it is actually important that someone be able to reach, at least learn your cellphone well enough to discover and use the vibrate feature. female users who haven't discovered it yet are really missing out.

2. The ANSWERED cellphone -- go to the lobby. we can still hear you no matter how far you hunker down in your seat. and yes, we are seriously considering whether your phone will fit in your rectum.

1. The crying baby -- look you gave up your going out priviledges when you squeezed the little critter out. leave your anchor with a baby sitter or at the very least take the screaming doody geyser to the lobby or bathroom and do whatever it takes to shut it the hell up.

I'm sure i'm missin many more. Drop 'em in the comments below...


qbanh said...

I have some to add...
Pushy Arm-rester or Hair Flipper - you know the ones that hog the armrest and constantly bumping you during the flick or the ones that flip their hair so that it whacks you in the face
Noisy Maker-Outers - noisy, loud smoochers who are too cheap to get a motel
Knock-Me-Out Perfume Freak - the ones that put on so much scent it overpowers even your buttery popcorn and makes you want to pass out

7:03 PM  

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