This is going to be a really easy movie to sum up, I’m sure you’ve all guessed the plot from the trailers anyway. Three pilots are in a top secret military program testing out some kick ass planes, when a fourth member of the team is brought in. The fourth member happens to be a quantum computer attached to an upgraded version of the same plane. Oh, do you think maybe the lead pilot might not want to be flying with a machine? “It can’t think like we do!”

Off on a training mission they go, which turns into a real mission, and EDI (the computer, Extreme Deep Invader, I’m not kidding) gets hit by lightening. Number 5 is alive! Not really, he was pretty much self aware before the bolt of energy, that just kinda messed him up a little. He has a bit of trouble landing, but is soon cleared for mission duty, and then things start going wrong.

He disobeys orders, goes rogue, blows stuff up, feels bad about it, etc. etc. etc. Seriously, do I need to tell you this stuff.

What’s important to understand about this movie is that it’s dumb, but in a fun sort of way. The special effects are surprisingly good, the number of explosions are the highest I’ve seen outside of a war movie, and the sound is great. OK, so the acting is a bit off, and the story is so predictable it’ll make you laugh. Do you think there might be a tragedy at some point? Do you think there’s a computer nerd involved? Do you think the tower is gonna get buzzed? Heck, I kept waiting for goose to show up.

Don’t take your girlfriend and/or wife to see this one, they’ll just poke fun at you every time you grin. Grab a couple of beers at the local Hooters with your buds, then hit the megaplex and enjoy the show.

And don’t forget the popcorn.

Not something you are going to want to watch more than once, but it does make for a good ride.

Van Helsing (Jackman) is a monster killer, in fact he’s the monster killer. He’s got the backing of the Roman Catholic Church (though they don’t admit it) and a mysterious background… and he also has quite the knack for killing.

We start off with Van Helsing doing a little hunting in London, seems some innocent people are getting murdered. Jack the Ripper you think? Nah, too boring for this movie, this nasty is none other than Mr. Hyde. This is also the point in the movie where you realize just how much the digital effects are going to come into play. Imagine The Hulk, but he’s not green and needs to shave and you’ve got a good picture of Mr. Hyde. I will admit that he looked really good though, and I don’t know how else you could have done that character if it weren’t for Industrial Light & Magic. I haven’t seen this much digital work since The Clone Wars, and I’m not sure that’s a compliment.

Effects aside, let’s talk about the story. After leaving London Van Helsing returns to the Vatican for his next assignment which turns out to be Dracula himself. “Q” puts together some goodies for him and off he goes to battle the Vampires. And Werewolves. And Frankenstein’s monster. And Igor, let’s not forget Igor. The script goes well out of it’s way to tie all of these individual stories together into one plotline, making connections between the characters that are pretty silly. Then again, we’re talking about monsters and magic here, so who am I to say what’s silly and what isn’t.

My biggest complaints about the movie are typical for this type of film, escapes and rescues that are too convenient, people who can get the crap knocked out of them and not mess up their hair, and some really bad dialogue.

Except for Igor, Igor rules.

Oh, the flying horses were kinda silly too.

On the positive side the effects are actually pretty good as I’ve mentioned, and the sound effects are great. There’s some meaty, squishy, drippy moments that will make you cringe. And the Brides (you know, the flying vampires women without nipples) are pretty hot when they shut the hell up and don’t have wings.

Final result is this movie can wait for a rental, but if you’ve got nothing else to do it’s worth seeing on the big screen. It’s also date-safe, so take your girlfriend and perhaps she’ll get scared (or bored) enough to make the movie a pleasant experience.