Clerks 2
February 4, 2007
Rated: R Runtime: 97 min Rating: 3 out of 5 stars
If you are a fan of Kevin Smith’s movies and love everything he does then this review is more than likely gonna piss you off… But you’ll get over it!
Now that the disclaimer is out of the way let’s get to it, Clerks 2, is a sequel that should never have been made, period!
Just so you know, I’m not just playing the role of ‘hater’ I will start by saying that Clerks was great; It was unusual and it brought to light a dialog and delivery style we had never seen, riddled with pop culture references that an entire generation could relate to, told by characters that each one of us could in turn reference back to at least one friend… and if you couldn’t, YOU were that friend. It’s hard to argue that the original film didn’t make Kevin Smith a household name so it was inevitable that one day he would go back and finish the story that he started over 12 years ago, and he did but I personally wish that he hadn’t.
Clerks 2 picks up about 10 years later and Randall and Dante are now working at a local fast food restaurant called Moobies. They wound up here after Randall accidentally burned down the Quik Stop and apparently this is the only job they could find at 32 but it fits how these 2 guys think so that part worked for me. Anywhoo, today (in the movie) is Dante’s last day and tomorrow he’s moving to Florida with his hot Blonde controlling wife, never to return to New Jersey again, which is the basis for the plot of the entire film. All of this seems simple enough but in typical Kevin Smith style, nothing is ever what it seems… Dante (O’Halloran) is secretly in love with his boss Becky (Dawson) but because his girlfriend’s parents are going to give him a better job (one of their carwash’s to run) and buy them a house, Dante is willing to leave everything behind including his life long best friend and star of this movie Randall (Anderson).
Randall doesn’t want Dante to go and he wishes he would sprout a pair and just admit he loves Becky and stay where he is, and stop trying to impress people by being something he’s not. Randall is content with his slacker ways and thinks Dante should be too since for the most part he’s happy being who he is, but Dante wants more. The Dante/Emma/Becky love triangle plotline drags on throughout the movie until the practically telegraphed ending occurs, which IMHO is the weakest part of Clerks 2. I say that not, because of the story itself, but the delivery and acting of the main character, which as you all know needs to be the strongest person on screen or why bother casting them.
Which leads me to Dante (O’Halloran) - He sucked and should never be allowed to act again - This guy is so wooden, the only role he should be allowed to play (and this is contigent on the retarded kid being unable to wear the suit) is a tree in an elementary school presentation of Wizard of Oz or Hansel and Gretel! O’Halloran is so bad he makes Shaq look like Deniro, and I would rather watch Steel or that damn Genie move Shaq made, than sit through this thing again without fast forwarding every time Dante opens his hole; Sorry to burst any Dante fans bubbles but it had to be said… Embrace it and the truth will set you free!
Clerks 2 is a complete movie as far as movies go and some of the comedic bits are so damn funny I almost shot coke out my nose but you can tell this was secondary to Smith this go round, Kevin wanted to concentrate on the love story more than the toilet humor, and if it were not for the terrible job of O’Halloran I might have agreed, but I digress. Enough of that back to the toilet humer, I love it and Kevin Smith outdoes himself in one scene in particular, that involves a young employee named Elias and Randall, well actually all of their scenes are really good but this one involving Mr. Pillow Pants, is an instant classic. I don’t want to dwell on how bad O’Halloran is as an actor but I have to dig it in for another seocnd or two to drive the point home, but this time I offer an explanation as to why I gave Clerks 2 only 3 stars. In Clerks, O’Halloran and Anderson were good but they were surrounded by actors of equal skill so it was ok to suck a little, but this time Smith has more money so he does what he should have done, and hires a really solid performer in Dawson to play the female lead, and she just blows O’Halloran out of the water. When Dawson delivers her lines, I see Becky and I care about what’s happening to her character; when O’Halloran opens his face I look for the cue card and wonder how he ever got this far on talent that limited. I’m a firm believer in people doing what they love but I don’t know about you but I would prefer tourettes guy not be allowed to be a surgeon just because he wants to… Brian O’Halloran, same thing goes for you, you big Goon. Put in an application at a real Quik Stop, work there until you die and that should solve it. Oh. one more thing, with a face like that I suggest the night shift.
Seen it? How many stars do you give it?
(2 votes, average: 3.5 out of 5)
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Blood & Gore Car Chases T&A Chuckles |
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As a huge fan of the first Clerks, I have to admit that this film didn’t need to be made. While nothing is as cool as putting a “donkey show” gone wrong on the big screen, maybe they should have ended the first movie with Dante’s character getting shot at the end like it was originally filmed. Randall rules the movie - “Porch monkey 4 life!”