Collateral Damage

December 10, 2004

Rated: R Runtime: 115 min Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

A kinder, gentler Arnie? Puh-leeeze!

Collateral Damage

Like most red-blooded American males, I’ve been waiting on Arnie to come to his senses and make a return to the action genre that he has always done so well and now, with Collateral Damage, it has finally happened. Well, no, it hasn’t, but it almost has. Director Andrew Davis (Under Siege, The Fugitive) has brought us half an Arnie movie. We have all the requisite elements: 1) an evil bad guy from another country, 2) lots of henchmen to use as cannon fodder, 3) innocents in danger and/or being killed, and 4) an unwilling/incompetent government that can’t seem to stop the bad guy. The only thing that got left out was Arnie…or at least the Arnie we all know and love. Instead, we get a somewhat politically correct Arnie that refuses to pick up a gun during the entire movie.

More specifically, we get Arnie as Gordon Brewer, a Los Angeles fireman whose wife & kid get blown to bits during a terrorist attack. He is, of course, quite upset by this and when the investigation stalls, he decides to take matters into his own hands and kill the terrorist with his bare hands. To find this killer, however, he has to travel down to Columbia, mix in with the locals, and secure transportation to guerrilla-held territory. The first problem here is that the old Arnie wouldn’t have waited for the investigation to stall before deciding opening up a can of whoop-ass on somebody. The second problem is that the old Arnie wouldn’t have traveled to Columbia unarmed and then try to mix in with the locals. He would have flown his own attack helicopter down there and blown up any local that looked at him crossways. I could go on and on, but there really is no point.

In light of the September 11th terrorist attacks and the subsequent delay in releasing this film, I guess I knew better than to expect a return to the Arnie of old, but at the same time I didn’t expect Arnie to be fully neutered and potty trained, too. In this case, it really is a shame because the movie is actually pretty well done. The plot, albeit very unimaginative, doesn’t have any huge, gaping holes in it and the supporting cast members are all quite adequate in their roles. As well, the camera work and effects are all slickly done.

If, as time passes, the U.S. is able to kick some major terrorist butt, perhaps we might again see the old Arnie on the big screen. I fear, however, that by the time it happens he’ll be driving a wheelchair instead of a tank. I’m just glad I have a copy of “Commando” on DVD to keep me warm until then.

Posted by Alex | Filed Under 2 Stars, Action, Arnold Schwarzenegger, Cliff Curtis, Elias Koteas, Francesca Neri, John Turturro, R, Theatrical