Final Destination 3

February 2, 2006

Rated: R Runtime: 86 min Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Death A.K.A. The Grim Reaper is like any other (non union) employee that wants to impress his boss, and sometime even he has to “stretch” to get that extra 30% in his quarterly bonus just like the rest of us. This quarter G.R. (sounds better to the ladies) had it all planned out, and he knew he was guaranteed to win the Gold Watch and finally silence any doubters around the Karmic water cooler. All he had to do was pull this project off without a hitch and he would be top dog again. He’s waited years to make up for his little snafu’s on the freeway and in the air and now was his time to shine. All the pieces are in place, the weather is perfect and most of all the boss is watching; Death knows he can’t lose, not this time, not a 3rd time in a row. It couldn’t possibly happen to him again, Could it?

Final Destination 3 Two times prior to this, Death had spent days if not weeks planning out elaborate over the top stunts to be number one - Both times some overly imaginative teen has a ‘vision’ or some such nonsense that scares away half his prey messing with his overall completion score. This is not only embarrassing, it makes him look incompetent, which leads him to working weekends and overtime to redeem himself. Sucks, but them be the breaks sometime and you just have to dust yourself off and get back on your pale horse.

Enuff’ about ancient history that death can’t control, let’s get to this years chance at redemption.

This time around he plans to kill an entire Roller coaster full of unsuspecting teens that are out for a night of fun frivolity just before graduation. Oh Boy! Wendy (Winstead), her boyfriend, best friend and her boyfriend Kevin (Merriman), are walking to the above mentioned coaster where they conveniently run into a veritable plethora of stereotypical horror fodder so you know we are going to be in for a treat, and believe me we were not disappointed. Anywhoo, While waiting in line to ride the devilish coaster Wendy has a premonition that the coaster will derail and everyone on board will be killed, including herself. This does not sit well with our heroine so she freaks and demands to be let off, NOW! Of course you can’t just release one seat (why not?) so the entire second half of the train has to leave because this chick lost her nut. They get off and just as she is about to be carted off to the parking lot by park security BAM! It happens and the train goes flying into oblivion killing everyone on board. Everyone that is, except the 10 that got off and survived. You can almost hear the Wawawa music as death realizes he’s blown it again. It’s going to be another long quarter to clean this mess up.

All puns aside (way too late but you’ve stuck around this long so just roll with it) I assure you Death manages to make it look easy, and you will love his comeback. I wont’ spoil it for you but I will say that the death scenes in this movie franchise are some of the coolest ever filmed and no matter what you may think of the story and acting, the concept rules and I enjoyed every campy minute. There are teeots, Hurray for me! The gore is top notch and the creativity that goes into each death scene is great. If you hated the first two you won’t care for this one either because it, like it’s sequel, is the same movie with different faces. But, if you liked one or both of the others you won’t be disappointed this time either. The last thing any of us wants is for Death to catch a permanent case of the Monday’s and lose his smile forever, so do management a favor and go see it, Death needs the positive re-enforcement.

Posted by J.C. Edwards | Filed Under 4 Stars, Horror, Kris Lemche, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, R, Ryan Merriman, Texas Battle, Theatrical