House of 1000 Corpses
	Rated R
	Runtime: 1hr 28min
	Starring: Rainn Wilson, Chris Hardwick, Jennifer Jostyn, Erin Daniels, Bill Moseley
	MFG Rating: 1/5

We love Rob Zombie, so although we were extremely skeptical about House of 1000 Corpses, we figured the worst case scenario is we get a 90 minute long music video. We really underestimated how much this movie could suck. It ranks among the worst we've ever seen. And the only Zombie tunes are during the opening and closing credits, so we cant even pretend it's just a really long music video.

The plot is four 27 year old teenagers are out on a road trip and end up getting interested in a local legend and mystery. Soon they set out to find the resting spot of Dr. Satan. Pretty soon they find themselves in a world of hurt. A campy predictable plot with annoying characters is normal for the genre. Set in the late 70's, the movie would appear to be attempting to pay homage to classics such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre.

The cast has a couple of familiar faces. No real stars though, but rather the type of people that'll make you wonder what you've seen them in previously. There are some babes, including Zombie's own main squeeze. Unfortunately due to poor cinematography and wardrobe decisions our peeks at the flesh are mostly glimpses.

House of 1000 Corpses is so bad that it would be impossible to even begin to list all of the problems or truly quantify just how badly this movie sucks. We like Rob Zombie. We like horror. We HATE this movie. I dont know what kind of fat daddy old Rob was smoking when he put this together, but I do not want any of it! It looks like a 12 year old filmed it and discovered the special effects button on the video camera. No, scratch that, that's an insult to 12 year olds.

We were hoping we would at least see what amounted to a really long Zombie music video. It does have that music video look and feel, but unfortunately there's no music. What's up with that? Rob Zombie fans will expect to rock, and there's no music during the movie. I'm not sure it would've helped, but it sure couldn't have made it any worse. House of 1000 Corpses gets 1 star, don't waste your time even if you're a fan.

- Billy Bob