Play-Mate of the Apes

July 22, 2005

Rated: NR Runtime: 89 min Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Play-Mate of the Apes is a few years old, but I think it’s one of the best “Hollywood spoofs” produced by Seduction Cinema, so it’s definitely worth reviewing.

Play-Mate of the Apes The movie opens in a rocketship hurtling through space. The sleep pods open for Lt. Fornication (Engert) and Lt. Pushkintucushkin (Anoushka), and the first thing they do is make hot lesbian love.

They get pretty rowdy, and one of them accidentally pushes the “Do Not Push” button, which sets off an alarm. This wakes up Captain Gaylor (Mundae) who heroically seizes control of the ship and safely lands on a nearby planet. The three women exit the ship and start searching the planet for water. They soon discover a nice lake, and take the opportunity to remove their spacesuits. Their nude bathing leads to a hot lesbian love scene.

They continue exploring the planet in the nude and encounter some native humans, including Uvula (Caine), who has a big crush on Gaylor. But right before everyone gets to know each other, they’re all captured by apes! It turns out that this planet is ruled by apes, and these ape soldiers return to their ape city with the captured humans. Gaylor and Uvula are thrown into a cage together, and despite the horrific circumstances, they get comfortable enough for some lesbian loving.

Captain Laid (played by director John Bacchus) brings the humans out to strip for him and his fellow soldiers. He believes humans are playthings without souls since they can’t dance. But Doctor Cornholeous (Rochon) is a human-rights activist and believes Koko Darwin’s theory that apes evolved from humans. During a fun striptease sequence, Gaylor proves to the apes that she can talk and dance. Laid gets angry and the three ass-tronauts are returned to a holding cell, where they are naked and very cold. Fortunately, Lt. Pushkintucushkin remembers that in order to keep warm in Russia, they used their bodies. This leads to a warm, sweet lesbian love scene.

Cornholeous breaks Gaylor out of her cell, and along with Uvula and a gay pink ape, they escape into the woods. They encounter a Barbarian Queen (Shelby Taylor), who lives in a free zone of the planet. Everyone dances and has a good time, and there’s even a rap song featuring the talents of Taylor, Mundae and Rochon. In separate scenes, the Barbarian Queen manages to make sweet lesbian love to both Gaylor and Uvula.

The apes finally track down the escapees, and there’s a huge battle with swords and spears. Gaylor, Cornholeous and company are ultimately able to defeat the apes, but instead of a victory celebration party, we get…

A lesbian sex scene with Gaylor, Fornication, Pushkintucushkin and Uvula?

Where’s Cornholeous and the Barbarian Queen? Where’s everyone from the battle that just happened? This is where the movie really lost credibility with me. I thought it was pretty awesome up until this point, but this completely random lesbian sex scene just didn’t make sense with the story they had been telling up to this point.

The movie finally ends and ties everything together, but that unexplained lesbian sex scene near the end really hurt the overall story, in my opinion.

Other than that, I really enjoyed the movie. Mundae is very funny, quoting Charlton Heston’s “Taylor” character several times as she tries not to laugh. Rochon is over-the-top annoying at times, but she does so convincingly and makes Cornholeous a very fun character. While there was no blood and gore, some of the boob jobs in this movie are pretty frightening.

The DVD features several behind-the-scenes extras, and it looks like this movie was shot mostly in someone’s backyard and a dressed-up basement with wood walls. Also included (and very entertaining) is the Seduction Cinema trailer vault so you can check out the other movies they have available.

Despite the completely random lesbian sex scene at the end, I highly recommend picking this DVD up. Mundae is both funny and sexy, and everyone involved in the production knows they’re making a fun movie, and that really comes across on screen.

And besides, I’d watch this again before I’d rewatch Tim Burton’s crapfest remake.

Posted by Chris Terranova | Filed Under 4 Stars, Action, Anoushka, Comedy, DVD, Darian Caine, Debbie Rochon, Misty Mundae, NR, SciFi, Sharon Engert