Silent Hill

April 24, 2006

Rated: R Runtime: 127 min Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Silent Hill is the worst 4 star movie I think I’ve ever seen. The first hour was mind-numbingly boring and the ending was a total WTF?! moment. So why give it a 4 star rating? Because when it’s good, it’s REALLY good.

The basic setup has a mom trying to figure out why her adopted daughter keeps sleep walking herself into dangerous situation. To make it worse, as she’s waking up she says “Silent Hill” then proceeds to thrash around like she’s having a seizure.

So Rose does what any good mother would do, she investigates Silent Hill (praise Google!) and finds out it’s an abandoned mining town in West Virginia. Better yet, it’s a haunted town that still has fires burning underground (that’s ash in the previews, not snow.) At this point the solution to her daughters problems is simple, hop in the Jeep and drive to the haunted/abandoned/burning town, and make sure you get there at night! Could someone please explain to me why she thought this would be a good idea? This some kind of “face your fears” BS? Seriously, this is so utterly stupid you’ll want to leave the theater, and it won’t be the last time you feel that urge.

She eventually finds herself trying to outrun a cop (urge to leave again) on the road to Silent Hill. She’s driving too fast and ends up wrecking the Jeep when she swerves to avoid a child in the road, knocking herself unconscious in the process. When she wakes up her daughter Sharon is gone, so Rose walks into town to find her. I gotta tell you, this is one huge mining town.. a very nice main street, a large school, and a huge hotel.. all very realistic for a mining town (time for the urge.)

She hears bells, and everything goes dark.

Fortunately she has a screwed up Zippo lighter that’s putting out way too large of a flame, but that allows her to walk around without being blind. Yeah, I was getting picky at this point, but I was bored to tears. At least something cool was about to happen. Kids, or.. maybe they were kids. In any case some really screwed up creature/kids start chasing her around in the dark and then suddenly… it’s light again, and they are all gone.

Rose is freaking out, but she’s hell bent on finding Sharon so she keeps looking. While she’s running around town we’re treated to a soundtrack that sounds like someone hitting old steel equipment with a hammer. I know it was suppose to sound “industrial”, but that urge came over me again.

Time to stop talking about the story so much and get to the good stuff, the visuals. There’s a creature in Silent Hill called Pyramid Head, and he’s got a very big knife… and a pyramid for a head. No idea why, but it looks cool. Around the time Pyramid Head made an appearance it struck me that I was being reminded of Hellraiser II, and I love that movie. It wasn’t any one particular thing that did it for me, it was just an overall feeling of how weird the creatures were and cool the visuals were becoming. The people-roaches were a nice touch as well.

By now the movie had moved from a 1-star suck fest to a 3-star effects festival. Enter Christabella (Alice Krige). She’s the sort of “Christian” that likes to ban Harry Potter books from libraries because she’s offended, and if you don’t agree with her then you’re going straight to hell. Zealot, Close-minded, Know-it-all, Bitch… and many other words that I can’t use in this review. Suffice it to say I didn’t like her or what she stood for. Somehow her and her followers have survived in Silent Hill by running into their church when the darkness comes. If you don’t run fast enough, then you were a sinner and deserve anything Pyramid Head might do to you. Praise and Hallelujah! A character this annoying just had to result in a spectacular whuppin.

When it happened I was pleased. 5 star pleased, a 6th if we had it. That’s my excuse for the 4 stars and I’m sticking with it. The visuals deserve to be seen on a big screen, and that scene is worth the ticket price alone. I’d recommend sleeping through the first hour, and leaving just before the end. That way you’ll be treated to a 5 star movie. Sure, it’ll be a little confusing doing that, but you’ll be confused anyway so don’t worry about it.

Silent Hill earns it’s R rating with gusto, there’s more blood in here than anything I’ve seen in a long time. The gore is top notch in an over the top manner. I’m comparing it to Hellraiser II, that should tell you something. If you like horror movies then go see this one immediately. If not, just wait for the DVD and watch the good parts. Unless you don’t like blood.. in that case, stay away.. far away.

Posted by John | Filed Under 4 Stars, Alice Krige, Horror, Jodelle Ferland, Laurie Holden, R, Radha Mitchell, Sean Bean, Theatrical