The Pacifier

March 6, 2005

Rated: PG Runtime: 91 min Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

In a poor attempt to be the next “Governator” Vin decides to drop his tough guy “XXX” character and decides to try his hand at appealing to the kiddies, and all I can say, Vin needs to pray there is a 3rd Riddick film or else this might be a sign the fat lady is warming up.

The Pacifier Shane Wolfe (Vin Diesel) is a S.E.A.L. Lieutenant that is tasked with the responsibility of rescuing a defense expert that has been kidnapped by Serbian nationalists. The mission is a bust when Vin’s ‘mark’ gets killed and he gets wounded. 2 months pass and Shanes commanding officer has a new assignment for him, “just till you get back on your feet”… this is where wackiness runs rampant, NOT!

He is sent to suburban hell to look after the remaining members of the defense experts family, Mom (Faith Ford), Julie, Zoe, Seth, Peter and Tyler along with Gary (my personal favorite character), while Captain Fawcett and Mom go to Zurich to get what is believed to be the thing the Serbians wanted in the first place; The Ghost program. I personally thought it would be easier just to go down to the local Comp USA and buy the Macafee version but what do I know.

Anywhoo, Shane has to learn to be a people friendly, caring father figure for a group of kids without one, and at the same time appeal to the national audience as a big teddy bear type. Did it work? Not for me. I thought it was too much like every other film with this plot line and although Diesel did display a gamut of emotions and range, anything more than his usual dumb monkey look was more that I was expecting. If not for the kids, their principal (Graham) and his nemesis, wrestling coach and Asst. Principal, The Murninator (Garrett); this movie would have gotten one lone star and for me that is a difficult thing to do… Just look at my other reviews and see for yourself.

I can usually find good in any movie if I look close enough but, having seen Uncle Buck, Major Payne, Kindergarten Cop and this… It hurt’s my head to think about it. If you need to feel good about being a crappy parent by taking your kid to a movie, wait a week and give Robots a shot and avoid this thing until it makes it’s ABC debut some time next year.

Posted by J.C. Edwards | Filed Under 2 Stars, Brad Garrett, Chris Potter, Comedy, Faith Ford, Lauren Graham, PG, Theatrical, Vin Diesel