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movie review Paparazzi
Rated PG-13
Runtime: 1hr 25min
Starring: Cole Hauser, Robin Tunney, Dennis Farina, Tom Sizemore, Larry Cedar

MFG Rating: 2/5

I could sit here and type all night long to try and convey to you, our readership how much I liked this film for its color, contrast, cinematography and overall visual representation. I could labor away until my fingers bleed discussing the director's connection to the characters and his insight into the ‘human condition', blah, blah, snore………………………. BUT, that's not me and that isn't this film.

If you saw the trailers you should already know the gist of the story and have a pretty good understanding of the overall peaks and valleys the film takes you on. But, since you are here and I took the time to type this for you sheep (that means you are easily led), I may as well let you know why you should or should not go to the theatre and check this little morsel out.

Long and short of it; Bo Laramie (Cole Hauser) is a big shot whiny superstar that doesn't want his picture taken. Rex Harper (Tom Sizemore) is a hard working independent businessman trying to make a living as a photographer. He tries to grab a couple of candid shots; gets caught and gets his arse handed to him by action man. A van full of hidden cameras catch the whole thing and thanks to many predictable situations and needless plot twists the wackiness takes off and doesn't land until the tray and seat backs are in their full and upright positions.

The short: This movie is all about the poor innocent movie star and his privacy being invaded (whaaaaaaaa….boohoo) by 4 very resourceful photographers and the fine upstanding publication that buys their photos. A life altering car accident drives our ‘hero' (primadonna) batty when his wife loses her spleen and his son ends up in the hospital in a coma. Hmmmm, what will happen next? A freak motorcycle accident kills one of the 4 above mentioned shutter bugs and in a strange turn of events this case lands in the lap of same inept police detective (Dennis Farina) that happens to be working on the Laramie families hit and run. This cop is so poorly written that he couldn't put 4 and 4 together even if he had an abacus (old man's calculator) and a speak n' add (baby man's calculator). Confused yet? I hope not, my 11 year old could have written this turd with more depth.

The Loooooooooooonnngggg: The movie, if you have 90+ minutes to kill and you have a choice between this movie and a root canal; I suggest you call your dentist right away and schedule an appointment. It will be less painful.

If you want to see a movie starring Cole Hauser, Tom Sizemore or Dennis Farina rent or buy the following moviesforguys films and forget this POS.

  • Hauser - Pitch Black, Tigerland or Tears of the Sun
  • Sizemore - Saving Private Ryan, Black Hawk Down or Heat
  • Farina - Snatch, Miami Vice or Manhunter

Since this snoozer had me scratching my head at how pathetically predictable it was I decided to give a little rundown on the coming attractions attached to it instead. I will call this spot my Preview Review……..catchy isn't it? There were 5 juicy tidbits attached to the copy of Paparazzi I saw last night so I will share a little of my opinion on each.

  1. Alfie (Oct 22) – Some chick flick heart touching BS starring Jude Law that no one here will ever see.
  2. Ladder 49 (Oct 1) – A story about a firefighter trapped in a burning building starring Vinny Barbarino, The T-1000 and the annoying kid from Space Camp. I might see it.
  3. The Forgotten (Sep 24) – Somehow, someway peoples lives get erased and no one's saying anything. What? This actually sounds interesting. Someone from here will see it for sure. Creepy preview reminds me of an old episode of Twilight Zone. Might actually be good.
  4. I Heart Huckabees (Oct 1) – No F'N way……………….artsy for the sake of being artsy pile of Tribble sheeot.
  5. The Taxi (Oct 8) – Jimmy Fallon and Queen Latifah chase super model/super thieves around NYC in a tricked out Taxi. Sounds just dumb enough for us to like it.

- JC

Vital Stats

Gun Play
A pillow and a photographer get ventilated.

Blood & Gore
Little bit, little bit .

Car Chases
If it weren't for the chase there would be no.

A videocamera and a politicians daughter get the once over but that's about it .

A couple of giggles in the film and about 42.7 directed at the plot.