Top 10 Football Movies
For most people the thought of summer ending is a tragedy but for me it is the beginning of the best time of the year… Football season. I love everything about it. I love it when the leaves begin to fall off the trees. I love it when the nights start to get colder and the days get shorter. And, most of all I love the power and force behind a teeth rattling one on one open field blind tackle from a Safety on an unsuspecting Wide Receiver after a mistimed curl route… It’s enough to bring a tear to my eye. (excuse me a second….Ok I am back) I love FOOTBALL!!!
Here it is the first of October in moviesfor guys world and the season is still new in the Pros but is in full swing in High School and College. So I feel it is my civic duty to inform some of the more clueless individuals out there, on what a real sport is all about and since this site is actually about movies… my lecture on Football 101 will be as well.
I will break down 10 of my favorite football movies of all time and in the process include a little tidbit to chew on between each one… The coin toss shows heads and JC Edwards has elected to receive.
10. Any Given Sunday
If you have ever wondered what the seedy underbelly of Professional Football is like and can’t actually play football, and you don’t have access to ESPN’s Playmakers series; Give this Oliver Stone conspiracy laden wannabe epic a shot. The film follows the plot of a rookie QB that gets his chance to take the reins of a potential playoff contender when the long-standing veteran goes down to injury. You also get some insight into the young female owner that inherited the team and the old battle worn coach and the steps they go through to adjust to each other while trying to decide the overall direction of the organization… Not to mention who should remain the starter when the vet is healthy again. Do you yank the rookie that puts butts in the seats or put the proven vet back in for the playoffs? Sounds innocent enough doesn’t it? Unfortunately, this movie was made by Captain Conspiracy Theory and he can’t ever show you, the audience, anything positive and this movie is no exception. In short, any cliche or tragedy you can imagine that would be associated with either the star or everyday utility player in the NFL, this ass clown will twist it and shove it down your throat. Now, before you think I must really hate this movie, let me elaborate. The movie is not great but the hitting and drama on the field are not too bad at all so the movie gets a first down… but only by the length of the ball. If you rent or buy this one pay close attention to a blind side sack on Jamie Foxx’s Willie Beaman character. It Rocks!!!
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9. Varsity Blues
Much like our number 10 selection this movie is about the transition of a backup Quarterback John ‘Mox’ Moxon and his promotion to starter when star and captain Lance Harbor breaks his leg. Varsity Blues concentrates on the ‘Church’ of High school football in West Texas as well as the lives of the players. It does not take Moxon long to see that being the starter for the West Canaan Coyotes means more than just taking snaps under center; He discovers that this job also means popularity, girls, favors, girls and pressure from the entire town to win. The biggest source of pressure comes in the form of one Coach Bud Kilmer; Bud is the best coach in West Texas history and now in his 35th year he is demanding one more State Championship and it is up to Mox and the rest of the Coyote squad to give it to him. The fact that the film is produced by MTV pictures could scare some of you off of this one but with the performances by John Voight as Bud Kilmer, the famous whip cream bikini (yum) and a certain nutshot scene this one hooks up on a 2nd and 10 for a gain of about 12 yards… first down. You won’t hate it… Not all of it anyway.
8. The Replacements
Whoa!!! I know what you are thinking, Keanu in a football movie??? That alone can make you throw the ball away… unless you saw him play former Ohio State standout Johnny Utah in the 1991 Action Movie Point Break… Fear causes hesitation, hesitation will cause your worst fears to come true… where was I? If it were 1987 the movie would be real, we would look like idiots but the movie would be real. We’d all be wearing Jams and British Knights again and chicks would have hair big enough for Falcons to roost in… never mind TMI… but since it was made in 2001 it is fictional. The Replacements is a comedy with the backdrop of a Pro Football strike and the ‘scabs’ that attempt to fill in to guarantee there is at least some sort of season for the fans to enjoy… the filthy little picket breakers get their chance to play in the bigs in the form of former Ohio State QB Shane Falco, A speed demon named Clifford Franklin at WR that… haha can’t catch. Stop it my sides hurt. Zany! The cast continues to be more wacky and fruity as you go too. Welsh kicker, John Favreau is a SWAT officer that plays MLB, and Gene (I can read the lunch menu at school and still sell tickets to it) Hackman plays the former coach Jimmy McGinty and last but certainly not least hotty fo shotty Brooke Langton as the head cheerleader (Attention!!). At first glance you might say I dogged it a little but once the ball was in the air it was excitement for 60 minutes and 4 full quarters which makes it a good one to see. With the cast of stereotypical characters playing it to the hilt and some really solid comedy mixed in along with the pre-req teeth jarring tackles and last minute heroics, I give it 4 field goals in one game for a shot at OT.
7. The Waterboy
Adam Sandler makes two kinds of movies. Movies you hate and movies you love, there really is no in between when canteen boy is concerned. I loved this one… enough advertising the clock is running… Bobby Boucher is a 31 year old simpleton with an unnatural affinity to water that offers his services to the local university at no charge to be the football teams water boy. The team is just crap with a capital C and their coach played by Henry Winkler is a coward that fears rival coach Jerry Reed so much he curls up in a fetal position when he thinks about facing him… Pathetic. The story is pretty predictable but the execution is flawless and the movie Rocks for it. Boucher is perfectly content being the waterboy but he hates to be teased for it and one day the QB taunts Bobby one too many times and he flattens him like a steam roller. Coach Klein goes ape nuts when he sees how hard the waterboy hits and how many times he can do it without slowing down. The light goes on and he sees a chance to finally defeat his arch rival and shed his fear of Coach Red for good so, he begs Bobby to join the team. Bobby wants to play but will not play the foos-ball unless Momma played by Kathy Bates (makes the movie at times) says he can. One thing leads to another and Bobby joins the team where he leads the NCAA in sacks and is on his way to the pros. Wackiness runs amok and the hits, which are awesome come at a rapid fire pace. The scenes are set up so well and the choreography is so precise it almost looks like Sandler is really out there laying the wood for real. This comedy is a Sack with a fumble recovery for a touchdown with no time left on the clock. Sandler Wins!!!
6. North Dallas Forty
Starring Nick Nolte and Mac Davis this movie shot in the 1970’s might be off some guys checklist for many reasons… open shirt with big gold medallion being the front runner. Whoever began that trend should be drawn and quartered, Yuk. Enough, Put it back on the list and read on. The film follows the fictitious North Dallas Bulls… cough, cough Cowboys… cough cough. In Any Given Sunday the point was to make the fans feel sorry for the players and in this one you just get more of the same but in a bit lighter, sometimes comical manner. Don’t misunderstand, this film is definitely a drama but it shows that a lot of the ‘behaviors’ pro athletes exhibit are by choice and not by circumstance… good. I hate it when people want sympathy for choosing to abuse drugs or alcohol… addiction is a disease, Whaaa… cry me a river John Red Corn. Deal and move on you big wuss. Anywhoo, the two main characters are Phillip Elliot an on the way out Wide Receiver with 2 bad knees and Seth Maxwell the worry free QB with the world at his fingertips. The movie has a very strong supporting cast with Charles Durning as the coach, Bo Svenson and the late former Raider John Matuszak as two vicious O-Linemen, and my favorite characters, Joe Bob and O.W. 2 guys that must not know clipping and leg whipping are penalty drawing offenses… about 15 minutes from the end you will understand… ooohhh. Still makes me queasy. Great T&A, crippling tackles and a look into the life of excess from the 1970’s pimp lifestyle of the NFL… Booyah! It draws a weak side half back toss for 25 yards into enemy territory. Doesn’t quite make the red zone but it manages to penetrate the opposition’s side of the field and set up a potential field goal.
5. Rudy
Based on a true story; This one follows the determination of a Pittsburgh area steel mill kid named John ‘Rudy’ Ruettiger who has only one dream… Play for the Notre Dame Fighting Irish… there’s only a couple of issues that keep him from having that dream. He is too old, too stupid and too slow and for most people that reality would be enough to bring them back to earth, but not Rudy. Rudy clings to his dream all along, accepting his families fate and goes to work at the mill with his father and brother, all the while saving his pennies so that after a few years he has enough money to finally go to college. So he leaves home for South Bend Indiana to be part of the storied traditions of Knute Rockne and George Gipp and to run out of that tunnel with his gold helmet shining in the sun… NOT!!! Unable to get into Notre Dame he attends classes at Holy Cross for a bit to get his grades up, and adjust to college life. He does both and soon he finally makes it to Notre Dame where he gets on the practice squad but he believes he will start one day regardless of any obstacle that gets in his way. Rudy does not start, he gets to be a pancake dummy on the D-Line for about 5 years but never complains. He does everything that is asked of him and one day he gets his chance to dress out thanks to a moment I challenge any man, that has ever stepped on the grid iron or watched a football team on the field win a championship, not to swell up just a little when you see each member of the team offer their roster spot so Rudy can play in their place. Kind of sappy at times but it is a true football story and a very good movie. I give this one a 4th and 21 sack for a safety.
4. Necessary Roughness
Another comedy in the top 10 is starting to appear that the only good football movies are funny ones. Wrong, but as funny goes this one is probably the funniest and it surely has the best football action in it. And, it has a hot pre-motherhood 1991 Kathy Ireland in it for maximum babeage. The Texas State Armadillos have been fined and had so many sanctions and suspensions levied against their student athletes that they may have to forfeit the season. Down but not out, it is up to Coach Ed Genero (Hector Elizondo) nicknamed ‘straight arrow’ to find enough students that are not scholarship athletes to field a team and save the season. He finds the typical fish out of water team you would expect but unlike other cases this one has Scott Bakula, and that makes it more acceptable. Bakula plays 34 year old QB Paul Blake who has some eligibility left, where he leaves the corn field for the playing field (you like that don’t you? Rhyming rules). Sinbad is in too, not that anyone cares along with a Samoan center, a martial arts expert at linebacker that makes for a good majority of the haha’s in the flick. A wide receiver that is fast but can’t catch (didn’t I type that already?) and Kathy Ireland as the female kicker. NR has Plenty of on field scenes and lots of Kathy Ireland which should be enough for any man but, it also has Larry Miller as the dean and villain that we are all supposed to hate so much… sorry not gonna do it. Miller is funny and acts circles around almost every other person in the movie… Up the gut between 4 and 5 hole for a pick up of 43 yards deep into the opposite zone.
3. Remember the Titans
Set in the year of our lord nineteen hundred and seventy one this drama, also based on a true story is about a high school in Virginia that is forced by federal mandate to integrate due to school closings… One white school and one black school. Each with their own football team and head coach but since their can only be one; in this case the black head coach Herman Boone played outstandingly by Denzel Washington has the tough task of uniting these boys and motivating them to trust each other regardless of skin color and play as a team. With an outstanding supporting cast including, Will Patton as the former white head coach Bill Yoast now relegated to an assistant to Boone leading the pack. I loved this movie and I usually hate anything sentimental or racially motivated but this movie was a real winner. If I went into it too much it would spoil some very good scenes and although there are not as many helmet shaking shots as other football movies this one captures the other side of the game… Team work. Field goal from 53 yards out for the win in OT.
2. The Longest Yard
Starring Burt Reynolds and Eddie Albert, the movie is set in a prison in Florida and I about a scrimmage game between the guards and prisoners to prepare the guards for a potential championship game with a major rival for the semi-pro title. Reynolds plays an inmate named Paul Crewe who used to play ball before getting locked up and with a little nudging from Warden Hazen he gets talked in to putting together a team of inmates to give the guards a real test before they go to the title game. This movie is chock full of former NFL greats and a bunch of solid ‘B’ actors but it works. The picture is rough and even gritty when you see some of the ‘prison’ scenes but it also has a few solid chuckles in between the in cell violence and on field football carnage. The plot is the game and the movie is just the journey so if I give away anymore you won’t have a reason to see it. I give this one a deep post route in open field for a 65 yard strike and a Touchdown!!!
1. The Program
My favorite football movie and if you don’t agree I suggest you register a url and create your own list because this one is mine. James ‘Sonny Corleone’ Caan plays coach Sam Winters and he is great. Unlike some films this movie is as much about the game is it is about the players. Loaded with kick arse hits and Sportscenter worthy highlights of both the run and the pass it gets the number one spot. Craig Sheffer, Kristy (too hot) Swanson, Halle (even hotter) Berry and Omar Epps play the four main characters… the acting is OK but Let’s face it none of them are going to win an Academy Award… are they? The characters I enjoy the most have to be Steve Lattimer and Alvin Mack. These two guys light suckas up in this movie and when I see the scenes with Alvin stalking the HB for Mississippi State it makes me glad I never had the chance to play in the NCAA… just nasty. Good Stuff. So, if you love football and guy movies you have to see this one even if you pass on all the others. If the Program were a play, it would be an Interception in the opponents end zone that gets ran back all the way for a TD in an already out of reach game for the opponent that does nothing more than break their back and shatter their teams hopes. Great F’N movie.
Honorable mentions that are cool football movies but not quite good enough to make my top 10: Everybody’s All American, Best of Times, Little Giants, Semi-Tough, Brian’s Song and The Last Boy Scout.
– JC
