Vamps 2: Blood Sisters

April 28, 2005

Rated: R Runtime: 88 min Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

First, go read my review for Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls.

Done? Then I’m glad to tell you that Vamps 2: Blood Sisters is a sequel in the same league as The Empire Strikes Back and X2. It surpasses the original movie in almost every way. There’s more blood. There’s more strippers. And… that’s about it. After all, more blood and more strippers is all this movie needed to be better than Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls.

Actually, that’s not all. Vamps 2 has two more things going for it that Vamps did not: Glori-Ann Gilbert’s enormous 38DD breasts.

Ms. Gilbert plays Heather, the stripper from the first movie. You may remember from my other review that the always-clothed Jennifer Russ originated the role of Heather. Since Ms. Russ did not reprise the character in Vamps 2, I am led to believe that the filmmakers were pissed at Ms. Russ for not getting nekkid, so they didn’t call her back for the sequel.

Heather is an important part of the Vamps saga, and they couldn’t just kill off the character. So the writers came up with a great solution: vampires can shape-shift. So Heather shape-shifts herself into the curvaceous Glori-Ann Gilbert. (I guess I just spoiled Vamps: Deadly Dreamgirls. Heather goes from being a stripper to a vampire stripper. Sorry to ruin the surprise.)

I’m really impressed that the filmmakers made the casting change part of the story. Remember Lt. Saavik from Star Trek II? She was played by Kirstie Alley, the chick who replaced Diane on Cheers. Well, in Star Trek III, Lt. Saavik was played by Robin Curtis, who looks nothing like a fat Scientologist. And I don’t remember anything about Vulcan shape-shifting or any other Trek crap to explain the change.

Hey Trekkie losers, Star Trek sucked way before Rick Berman took the reins! He didn’t ruin anything because the franchise was already in shambles!

Sorry about that. Let’s talk about something pleasant and excellent, like Ms. Glori-Ann Gilbert. She had plenty of talking to do in this movie, and she’s not quite leading actress material. Not yet, anyway. I hate to say it, but Jennifer Russ was a better leading lady. However, I do give credit to Ms. Gilbert for working hard and still managing to turn in a very believable performance.

You see, unlike Ms. Russ, Ms. Gilbert appears to be a student of method acting. If she were playing a Southern belle, my guess is Ms. Gilbert would spend some time in the South learning a Southern accent and researching the lives of actual Southern women. If she were preparing to play an ass-kicking martial artist, Ms. Gilbert might travel to China or Japan or one of those Ninja countries where she could learn Kung Fu and sword-fighting and how to eat with chopsticks.

So how do I know Ms. Gilbert is a method actor? Because she obviously did her research in order to become a very convincing stripper in Vamps 2: Blood Sisters. I know she can’t possibly have ever been a stripper in real life, especially not with those fake 38DD’s, but she sure danced like one. I was equally impressed that she appeared topless in almost half of her scenes. Ms. Gilbert successfully studied the subtleties of accurately portraying a stripper on screen, and I applaud her for that.

Vamps 2 is a basic revenge story. The twin sister of one of the vampire strippers who got killed in the first movie (Amber Newman) wants to kill those responsible for her sister’s death. Seamus has left the Church and manages Vamps along with Heather, and lucky Larry is employed as the club’s DJ/MC. Needless to say, he loves his job.

I only have one minor complaint about Vamps 2: it tries to establish a mythology. There’s some prophecy about a vampire who gives birth to a human, blah, blah, blah. If I wanted vampire mythology, I’d watch the far superior Joss Whedon television shows.

The one thing Joss Whedon doesn’t have in his shows is vampire strippers. Sure, there were some vampire prostitutes on Buffy that Riley got hooked in with, but that’s it. No vampire strippers, and that’s where Vamps 2 should be focusing its energy.

Another thing: the first Vamps movie had a very fun vibe to it. I almost felt like I was hanging out at Vamps with Larry and Seamus. Vamps 2 isn’t too serious, but it lost that fun vibe.

Overall, I declare Vamps 2: Blood Sisters to be the greatest vampire stripper movie of all time. Luckily, the ending was left wide open for another sequel, so I’ll cross my fingers and hope this saga continues.

Posted by Chris Terranova | Filed Under 5 Stars, Action, Amber Newman, Comedy, DVD, Glori-Ann Gilbert, Horror, Paul Morris, R, Randy Rupp, Rob Calvert