Van Helsing

December 12, 2004

Rated: PG-13 Runtime: 132 min Rating: 3 out of 5 stars

Van Helsing

Not something you are going to want to watch more than once, but it does make for a good ride.

Van Helsing (Jackman) is a monster killer, in fact he’s the monster killer. He’s got the backing of the Roman Catholic Church (though they don’t admit it) and a mysterious background… and he also has quite the knack for killing.

We start off with Van Helsing doing a little hunting in London, seems some innocent people are getting murdered. Jack the Ripper you think? Nah, too boring for this movie, this nasty is none other than Mr. Hyde. This is also the point in the movie where you realize just how much the digital effects are going to come into play. Imagine The Hulk, but he’s not green and needs to shave and you’ve got a good picture of Mr. Hyde. I will admit that he looked really good though, and I don’t know how else you could have done that character if it weren’t for Industrial Light & Magic. I haven’t seen this much digital work since The Clone Wars, and I’m not sure that’s a compliment.

Effects aside, let’s talk about the story. After leaving London Van Helsing returns to the Vatican for his next assignment which turns out to be Dracula himself. “Q” puts together some goodies for him and off he goes to battle the Vampires. And Werewolves. And Frankenstein’s monster. And Igor, let’s not forget Igor. The script goes well out of it’s way to tie all of these individual stories together into one plotline, making connections between the characters that are pretty silly. Then again, we’re talking about monsters and magic here, so who am I to say what’s silly and what isn’t.

My biggest complaints about the movie are typical for this type of film, escapes and rescues that are too convenient, people who can get the crap knocked out of them and not mess up their hair, and some really bad dialogue.

Except for Igor, Igor rules.

Oh, the flying horses were kinda silly too.

On the positive side the effects are actually pretty good as I’ve mentioned, and the sound effects are great. There’s some meaty, squishy, drippy moments that will make you cringe. And the Brides (you know, the flying vampires women without nipples) are pretty hot when they shut the hell up and don’t have wings.

Final result is this movie can wait for a rental, but if you’ve got nothing else to do it’s worth seeing on the big screen. It’s also date-safe, so take your girlfriend and perhaps she’ll get scared (or bored) enough to make the movie a pleasant experience.

Posted by John | Filed Under 3 Stars, Action, DVD, David Wenham, Elena Anaya, Hugh Jackman, Kate Beckinsale, PG-13, Richard Roxburgh