Zombies vs. Satan

June 27, 2005

Rated: NR Runtime: 200 min Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Zombies vs. Satan is the first Double Digital Creature Feature from Troma Team Video. It includes two movies: Wiseguys vs. Zombies and Meat for Satan’s Icebox. Both movies are shot on Digital Video and are Dogpile95-certified. Oh, and both movies are really bad.

Zombies vs. Satan First up is Wiseguys vs. Zombies, written and directed by Adam Minarovich, who also stars as the lead gangster, Gus. In concept, this is a really good idea. Since gangsters specialize in killing people, watching the creative ways that a seasoned mafioso might kill a zombie sounds like a lot of fun.

But the movie is way too long, and by the time we get to the zombies killing people and gangsters killing zombies, I was already bored. If Minarovich had cut some of his tedious monologues in the first hour, the movie might have flowed better. Minarovich had good comic timing as a supporting character in Camp Utopia, but in this movie most of his “comic” lines fell flat. The only time I remember laughing was the Goat Man scene. There’s no real T&A to speak of, and the gore is adequate at best.

But Wiseguys vs. Zombies looks like Citizen Kane compared to Meat for Satan’s Icebox, directed by David Silvio. Icebox starts out looking like it might be promising, with a pregnant naked stripper getting devoured at a cannibalistic orgy. But it quickly goes downhill after that. Troma’s President, Lloyd Kaufman, has a brief cameo about halfway through that’s worth watching, but that’s about it. There’s plenty of blood and gore throughout this one, and there are some scantily clad women, but none of them get nekkid.

The sad thing about both of these movies is that the stories are pretty good. Wiseguys vs. Zombies features two mobsters driving to Miami with a couple of dead drug dealers in the trunk of their car. The twist is that, before getting whacked, the drug dealers had taken a drug (developed by the military) that turns its users into zombies. When the mobsters get their car impounded in a small Southern town, the zombies escape and the mayhem begins.

In Meat for Satan’s Icebox, a girl murders the headmistress of her Catholic School, but before she can get away she’s kidnapped by the owners of a local deli, Satan’s Icebox. She then learns that the meat being purchased by the local townspeople is actually the flesh of runaway girls.

I have the upmost respect for these filmmakers for seeing their vision through and making their movies, but the finished products are difficult to watch. I could write paragraphs about all of the negatives, but I won’t. Hopefully the filmmakers will learn from their mistakes and work harder on their next projects.

There was just enough blood and T&A to keep me from giving this DVD only one star. If you still want to watch it, add it to the bottom of your Netflix queue.

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Posted by Chris Terranova | Filed Under 2 Stars, Action, Adam Minarovich, Catherine Brissey, Comedy, DVD, Horror, Josh Burden, Lloyd Kaufman, NR, William Palko